The Olympics are coming to a close so it is time to recap and reflect. And that means talking about how freaking awesome we, the Dutch, were at speed skating. We apparently now have the record of most medals by one country during one Olympic games on one discipline. For what it’s worth. And our dominance wasn’t just noticed by ourselves (like normally when we think something is noticeable) but it was actually picked up on throughout the world. Before we get too arrogant, we still suck at anything else during the winter Olympics. We might as well write articles about why Norway is always winning the 300 variations of cross-country skiing while shooting at little targets (who comes up with these winter Olympic sports anyway?!).
The Dutch and Ice-skating
I can’t ice skate to save my life. And it never bothered me that I do not want to risk my life on really thin iron thingies on really slippery ice (really who thinks of such a thing) but now it seems like I’m missing some sort of Dutch gene. My DNA is not Dutch. And that makes me sad because I’m secretly really proud of being Dutch (which seems to be a really uncool thing to admit). Anyway what I lack in the capability of speed skating, I make up for in speed skating TV-watching capabilities. And we all noticed that watching speed skating as a secretly patriotic dutchie is quite the party lately. Even international media is gobbled by this: WHY ARE THE DUTCH GETTING ALL THE MEDALS. Read some of the international suprise here and here.
Some explanations for why the Dutch were so good at speed skating during the Olympics were quite hilarious. The International Business Times stated: ‘In winter months, skating is a sensible form of transportation, as commuters skate along frozen canals to visit family or friends who live many villages away.’ Maybe in the 1600s, but either way: no International Business Times. Just no.
Particularly interesting was the article written by Matthew Futterman of the Wall Street Journal. Futterman stated that he was fed up with the Dutch success, after which he received hate mail which surprised me, because I figured people who usually threaten people over the internet are not people who will read an article on the website of the Wall Street Journal. But internet-threat people are all over it these days it seems. The writer responded with a funny article in which he apologized and stated he loves everything Dutch. Especially Amstel light. Which is something we should be ashamed of.
Enter Jillert Anema
I would like to close with this little video you might have seen on the internet the last few days, of angry Dutch skating coach Jillert Anema, who displays some anti-American sentiment he seems to have boiling inside of him, versus an even angrier American TV host, who doesn’t know a thing about ice skating but seems to know enough to bash it (probably due to disappointing results these Olympics).
Although Jillert is acting a little crazy here, the good thing we got out of it is that we made Rush Limbaugh really angry. Limbaugh, a right-wing conservative radio talk show host which you might know from a hilarious Family Guy episode. Here are some clips of the episode, totally not relevant to the subject but I just really love Family Guy.
Anyway, so Rush is really angry because commenting on American’s national pride (American Football) apparently makes you a ‘little commie SOB‘ (communist son of a bitch). Oh and also:
‘Here now is some never-before-heard-of glittering jewel of colossal ignorance who happens to be a speed skating coach in where? The Netherlands! The Netherlands, 95% of America could not find it on a map. The 5% who could find it on a map still wouldn’t know where it is.’
Yeah take that, Jillert.
A final note from a secretly patriotic dutchie, please let us enjoy that we are amazing at something and do not complain that we made it ‘boring’ or we should ‘teach the competition’ (because why in the world would you do that). For a country with no mountains or snow and a winter of 10 degrees Celsius, becoming fifth on the medal table is pretty awesome. And enjoy that we made some right-wing Americans mad along the way and that Buzzfeed loves us. Winning all around.