Feeling hungover and want to know how to get your shit together the morning after Koningsdag? Fool your colleagues, your boss and your friends into thinking you’re fresh with these helpful tips!

Koningsdag, or King’s Day, is that special day when you get to show off how good you look in the colour orange, whilst taking time to reflect on just how lucky we are to live in such a open-minded country. Perhaps most importantly though, it’s a chance to blow off some steam and hit the tins with friends as you as you soak up the markedly festive atmosphere that permeates the city.

A sea of orange Dutchies on Koningsdag
“Hey man we’re here already. Come down, I’m next to the guy with the orange shirt”

Now, binge drinking where I’m from is what really responsible adults call “an emerging problem for our country’s youth”, but if there’s one thing that it has allowed me to develop over the years, it’s my ability to pull my shit together the day after a big night and function at as close to 100% as humanly possible. And let’s be honest, you should be able to commit to enjoying yourself in the moment on Koningsdag without the crippling fear of a hangover suspended over your head like impending death right? I mean, it’s a goddamn celebration! So before you head off to work with your head hung low and a certain scent on your breath that tells passersby, “I enjoy drinking whiskey watered down with beer through a used petrol funnel”, here’s a few tips to get you into the office safely and keep you alive long enough to see another 27th of April.

If you fail to prepare, then you better be prepared to fail

What I mean by this is that when you get home and if you’re still conscious enough to go through with it, you should have filled up a big ol’ jug of water and taken it into your room, ready to grasp for first thing in the morning. If you didn’t do this though, you’ve undoubtedly woken up cursing Koningsdag and feeling like you’ve French kissed the front end of moving tram. If you’re going to put any effort into doing at least one thing today, it’s making sure that you keep that bottle of water full. Anything sugary is a big no no.

Bent over backwards
If you can’t make it home, catching a few z’s nearby will suffice

Each step forward is one step further away from the pain

If you’re reading this with eyes crusted shut and yet to leave your room, remember that the first step out of bed is always the hardest. This isn’t one of those mornings when you wake up half-decent and can breeze through the morning routine confidently without missing a beat. On the day after Koningsdag, you’ll most likely feel the impact of every earth-shattering step taken towards the bathroom as it vibrates up your spine and into the very centre of your brain. Also, as you begrudgingly advance towards the bathroom, it’s best advised not to look into the mirror until AFTER a shower, which takes us to our next tip.

Always remember to clean it like you mean it

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Once you make it to the shower, it’s important to not to be lulled into a false sense of slothfulness (yes, it’s a real word). This is no time to dwell on all those bad mistakes that “yesterday you” made. “Post-Koningsdag you” is here to scrub off the guilt, wash the alcohol from your pores and try to salvage what’s left of your soul after a whole day and night spent singing and boozing.

Contemplating life on the shower floor
Am I a good person if all my decision in life have led me to this point?

Make sure the moneymaker is ready to make money

They say a persons eyes are a window into their soul and peace begins with a smile, but if you don’t want people thinking you’re a war-mongering masochist with a soul as dark as a moonless Dutch night, then you need to chuck some clear eyes into each pupil and brush your teeth like your job depends on it (and it just might today). Women have got the upper hand on us blokes in this department and can use makeup to cover up any major signs of Koningsdag inflicted pain, but spending a bit of time on your teeth, eyes, skin and hair can help you avoid rolling into work with a head like a half-sucked mango.

Dog lying on his back on a bed
Never, ever, moving

To all the brave men and women out there fronting up for work the day after Koningsdag, we salute you. I’d love to give you some tips on how to dress smart and sharp but I’ve got absolutely no right giving out fashion advice! All I can say is, keep looking forward to that glorious moment when you can crawl back into bed, roll yourself up in the blankets, and slip into sweet unconsciousness.

 

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