Culture shock and its impact: we interviewed an expat therapist

Beyond the more bureaucratic challenges that come with relocating to the Netherlands (have you seen the housing market?), moving to a new country often comes with unexpected mental health challenges.

When faced with language barriers, foreign cultures and customs, even something as simple as grocery shopping or scheduling a doctor’s appointment can become an overwhelming task.

To better understand how culture shock can affect us internationals, and what we can do to deal with our new environment, we met up with Mattaya Parker from M. Parker Counselling

Mattaya is an international therapist hailing from the great white North (Canada), now located in the flat, often grey The Hague. 

Meet Mattaya Parker

When Mattaya first came to the Netherlands as a student, she had to figure out her new Dutch life completely on her own. She found herself away from her support system, in a new culture, and alienated by the language barrier.

Mattaya Parker at PLNT
Over a cup of coffee, we got to pick Mattaya’s brain. ☕️ Image: DutchReview

Today, she helps internationals who struggle with the same issues she once faced. As a NIP (Dutch Institute of Psychologists) certified psychologist, she successfully helps her clients navigate their new life and facilitates their self-growth.

During a visit to our cosy DutchReview office in Leiden, we talked to Mattaya about the hurdles that come along with the move to a new country. 

Culture shock, she tells us, even if it seems minute, can have an enormous impact on internationals. It’s a pattern that she recognises all too well, both from her clients and her own experience.

So, how does culture shock leave its mark?

We’re sure many of us can relate to Mattaya when she explains how culture shock can have a HUGE impact on internationals in the Netherlands — in ways that we would never expect.

“There are so many little things that you wouldn’t think would stress someone out because they seem so small, but in the end, for an expat, it is extra hard,” Mattaya says. 

In this way, everyday activities can suddenly pile up into a mountain of work — often creating feelings of stress, anxiety, and displacement. 

READ MORE | International students in the Netherlands are suffering from loneliness

Simple tasks, such as grocery shopping in the ever-confusing aisles of the Albert Heijn, making a doctor’s appointment at the huisarts, or even adjusting to Dutch fridges can become challenges for internationals.

Yes, fridges. 

Two women talking to each other
“Culture shock … from a fridge?!” Image: DutchReview

Mattaya tells us from experience: “Grocery shopping is a big one for culture shock: dealing with new ingredients, no English translations, even learning how to grocery shop for just a few days, instead of for a fridge that’s three metres cubic in size!” 

(She’s from Canada, remember 😉).

READ MORE | 5 things that will shock you when you arrive in the Netherlands

“Finding a dentist or a GP, as well, can be things that create so much anxiety and stress, especially when some of them are not willing to accommodate the fact that expats may request extra testing, more painkillers, and things like that.”

Check in with yourself and identify early warning signs 

As an international in the Netherlands, you’re facing what seems like unsurmountable changes and challenges — in an environment that’s completely new to you. 

Amidst all this, it is important to check in with your mental well-being. We asked Mattaya to tell us about some early warning signs to look out for, which could indicate that you may be headed towards a not-so-good mental state. 

You have abnormal sleeping habits

“Sleep is one of the most important things. If you’re not sleeping correctly, everything is immediately much harder,” Mattaya explains.

Man suffering from sleeplessness struggling with mental health in the Netherlands
Sleep problems can contribute to the worsening of different mental health problems. Image: Depositphotos

If you find that your sleeping patterns are unhealthy, this can be a sign that your mental state isn’t either. In this, it’s important to consider not just the hours of sleep you’re getting, but also the quality.

READ MORE | Mental healthcare in the Netherlands: all you need to know for 2023

“If you’re sleeping more than ten hours or less than six — those are dangerous numbers,” she says. It’s important to prioritise rest and good sleep, for your overall mental and physical health.

You don’t take joy in things you normally enjoy

One indicator that your mental health is affected by the many changes in your life is that you don’t take joy in things you used to love. 

For example, Mattaya says, “if you normally love going to a café, and reading a book while having a coffee, and now you go, and you realise that this is just draining you — that’s almost always one of the biggest indicators.”

You don’t feel like calling home

If you find that you don’t feel like picking up the phone when your mom calls, or that you take weeks to respond to texts from friends back home, this can be a sign that you’re not doing well.

Bored-woman-at-cafe-not-enjoying-herself-depressed-struggling-with-mental-health-in-the-Netherlands
Many internationals struggle with mental health issues. You’re never alone. Image: Depositphotos

Mattaya explains that “if you’re not okay, you won’t have the energy or headspace to call your loved ones for help,” Mattaya says, “and that’s one of the biggest signs.”

If we’re not connecting with the people we should be connecting to, and with who we usually love connecting to — then something is wrong.

Don’t lose hope — here’s how

Getting help for your mental health as an international in the Netherlands can be tough, and often you’re looking at long waiting periods before you can finally talk to a professional. 

In these times, it’s important not to lose hope, and to push yourself to keep on going. How? We asked Mattaya.

Get in touch with the international community

If you’re feeling isolated after your big move to the Netherlands, then firstly remember: it’s normal — and you’re not alone in that feeling. 

READ MORE | 23 tips to beat expat loneliness this holiday season

Secondly, whether you have come to the Netherlands alone, with a partner or with family, it’s good to break out of your bubble and mingle with the international community. “I promise, they want you to reach out; I promise they want to connect,” Mattaya says.

Yoga-class-in-studio-in-the-Netherlands-joining-classes-to-make-friends
Taking a class can be a great way to meet new people. Image: Pexels

We know that’s easier said than done — but it’s worth it. If you’ve got an international neighbour, why not bring some muffins over? Join Facebook groups, talk to your co-workers, take a Dutch class, attend social events, and put yourself out there. 

After all: who better to relate to than someone who knows exactly what you’re going through? You’ve got this! 

Don’t forget about your support system back home

Even if you’re thousands of kilometres and a few time zones away from home, remember that you can always rely on the support system you left behind.

“Loneliness is one of the biggest issues to mental health,” Mattaya tells us — “and we saw that during the pandemic.” 

Whether it’s old friends, siblings, or parents, anyone who hasn’t seen you in a while will be more than happy to talk to you.

Yes, it may not be the same through the phone, but it’s important to talk to someone on a bad day, and to rely on your support system back home for that human connection. 

If you feel like you’re alone, this will make you realise that you’re not. 

Give yourself credit

Finally, Mattaya says: “Being an expat is scary and hard; I won’t pretend it’s not, but the thing that got me through it is realising how hard it is to be an expat. That gives hope.” 

photo-of-a-couple-sitting-by-a-canal-enjoying-Amsterdam
A move to the Netherlands will bring countless new impressions. This can be very draining, so give yourself some grace. Image: Depositphotos

“The little things you do are ten times harder for you than for a local. Appreciate the fact that you have the strength, and be proud of yourself. You have done this. You are here, you’re surviving.” 🧡

By living abroad, you’re doing something most people can’t even dream of. The hurdles you’re facing (and overcoming!) are not easy. So, give yourself some credit.

Get professional help (from an expert who understands)

Are you struggling with your mental health? Sometimes you need expert help to overcome issues — so, let’s look at how Mattaya can help you. 

Since COVID-19, many psychologists have been working hard to catch up with the backlog that the pandemic has created. Mattaya Parker is a firm believer in accessible healthcare for everyone. 

She operates outside of the main system, which gives her more freedom and flexibility with her clients. One result of this is that she can offer flexible pay scales, for example, which allows her to charge people based on their capabilities to pay.

Mattaya Parker expat psychologist at PLNT
Mattaya will help you gain better insight into yourself — with a smile on her face! Image: DutchReview

With her clients, both individuals and couples, she makes use of different psychological methods, instead of passing them from person to person — as the main system tends to do. 

READ MORE | Life as a lovepat in the Netherlands: 5 things I took for granted

With a mix of cognitive behavioural therapy and schema therapy, Mattaya helps people feel heard, and helps them to strategise ways to improve how they’re functioning — and ultimately, to find joy. 

If you are interested in scheduling a talk with Mattaya, feel free to reach out and make contact on her website. You can take it from us: she’s full of energy, a joy to talk to, and will gladly help you out with her expertise. 

What is your experience with culture shock and mental health? Do you have any tips on navigating the step into a new life? Tell us in the comments.

Feature Image:DutchReview
Lyna Meyrer 🇱🇺
Lyna Meyrer 🇱🇺
Say 'hoi' to Lyna, our Senior Writer at DutchReview! Fueled by a love for writing, social media, and all things Dutch, she joined the DR family in 2022. Since making the Netherlands her home in 2018, she has collected a BA in English Literature & Society (Hons.) and an RMA in Arts, Literature and Media (Hons.). Even though she grew up just a few hours away from the Netherlands, Lyna remains captivated by the guttural language, quirky culture, and questionable foods that make the Netherlands so wonderfully Dutch.

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