Blondie keeps pulling it off. His party is a sham, lots of PVV party members going through the revolving doors, he keep crossing the moral line and he doesn’t even come up with any realistic policies. And yet he is still Hollands third biggest party. Yes, Blondie sets the agenda over and over again, forces the discourse into his direction and tango’s with the media like there is no tomorrow.

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Who wouldn’t tango with this man?!?!?!?!

And it’s time for someone else to bake a Wilders. It’s not blondie. It’s a recipe.

So let’s open source this bitch. Let me be the 100th person to once more try to crack the code to Wilders safe and decipher his secret recipe to political stardom and share it with the world. Let’s take a peek into the kitchen.

Here are 10 essential ingredients to bake a Wilders just the way your dinner guests like it.

 1. Tap into an angry and scared social (lower) class

It’s crisis. Jobs are disappearing through automation, outsourcing and fiercer international competition and mergers. Who are the ones who will bite the dust first? The lower social class. A lot of them feel lost, they are scared, unemployed or perhaps soon to be. It’s not even the lower social class anymore. Across the social economic groups unemployment is on the rise.

Religion is the opiate of the poor. When times are tough you turn to faith. Look up for guidance. But Holland is not that religious anymore. There are more agnostics and atheists then ever before. So where do they turn?

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They want to believe in something. So give them something to believe in. Tap into that fear, tap into that anger and verbalize it.

 2. Have a unique identifier.

In these times , especially in politics, you need a good identifier. And blondie has that. Just look at that great head of hair.

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It says it all.

A lot of politicians are missing the point. They are not uniquely visible in a mediatized world that more and more is about visuals and less and less about the written word. Just take a look how major websites are becoming more visual. People don’t want to remember all these members of parliament. They want a couple of clearly definable faces. A simplified game of ‘Who is it’ in a saturated news block makes you stand out.

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Does he have unnaturally dyed blond hair?

So use it. Don’t go crazy, but distinguish your Wilders: A nice lock of hair in a different color, a full beard, a certain wardrobe, some intriguing jewelry or accessory. Knock yourself out.

 3. Market yourself as anti establishment

Don’t be establishment. It’s never been easy, but politicians are increasingly unpopular. House of cards kind of unpopular.  It’s difficult to defend something that clearly has image issues. Be different and define yourself by being against it. Rebel!

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But don’t stop there, take it further. Make the establishment turn against you to make your point. Make yourself a martyr. Make yourself an outcast! But how? By stepping on some established toes of course.  Pim Fortuyn showed Holland’s multicultural toes grew pretty long in the 90’s. So they’re easy to step on. And does Wilder ever.

Insult the things the establishment cares about. That will ostracize your Wilders and everybody loves a good underdog story. Isn’t that what 80% of Hollywood film narratives are about nowadays? Poor Wilders!!!

 4. Come up with great one liners

Twitter, Youtube, Vine, Tags. We are shortening our messages drastically. The problem with politics is that it’s contradictory to this phenomenon. Policy is all about nuance, side notes and explanation.

But fuck all that. You want to come across. So use your magic to come up with catchy things like: ‘Henk and Ingrid’, ‘Kopvoddentax’, ‘fitna’ , ‘Nexit’, ‘minder, minder, minder.’ The shorter, the better. Make every character count!

 5. Emotion is in. Ratio is out

And don’t be afraid to sound irrational. Rationality is very 2000 and late. Upworthy is becoming a gateway to all these feel good youtube video’s. Some of the most well read articles on buzzfeed last year were articles ‘that will restore your faith in humanity’. We lust for emotion, to feel.

Don’t convince your crowd with silly things like arguments and science. Go for the gut. You want them to feel. Convince them with your Wilder’s his conviction and anger. Make them feel unsafe and afraid.

 6. Aim for problems, not solutions

So please don’t concern yourself with solutions. That is not what Wilders is about. Focus on the problem. You are not going to make people feel with complicated tales of what might possibly sorta solve the problem. Define the problem as simplistically as possible and then go for overtly simplistic and unrealistic solutions.

All of Wilders big stories are based on negative trends and problems. Don’t focus on the positive. Realistic solutions are hard work. Why try to solve an issue when it’s easier to bitch and moan about it?

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 7. Deflection as a media strategy

And when people start asking hard questions about your solutions: Ignore them. It’s as simple as that. You don’t have to answer them. Deflection has become an art form in the times of Geen Stijl and quick newsflashes. Fox news in the US does a great job of facilitating deflection for lots of people.

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He doesn’t answer the question…. Well we can’t use that quote. It’s uninteresting tv.

Become the perfect political ninja. Ignore the media you don’t like. Don’t answer the tough questions, always be on the offense. You are the victim, they are out to get you. See, there they go again.

 8. You are the leader

Be a leader. You are the face of the party. You don’t want to exhaust your electorate with different faces and names. Especially don’t surround yourself with critical nay sayers. You don’t want people talking back to you. They will undermine you and make you look weak.

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You shouldn’t evolve your stances. What you say goes. And if party members complain, there’s the door! You might consider putting animals in your party: Easy to control, they work great on camera (cute overload), and most importantly, no backtalk. Maybe some chimps, dogs… No wait. Cute kittens!!!! All those will really make you stand out as a leader.

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Look how Caesar is walking potentially new party members. A true packleader.

 9. Never Say Sorry

Whatever you do don’t apologize. It makes you look vulnerable and accountable. Owning up to responsibility is not sexy. There are no wrongs. No matter how racist or stupid your Wilders sounds. He is impenetrable. It’s the worst thing in the world to be wrong. So your Wilders is simply never wrong. Poof! Just like that.

 10. Don’t end up in government!

And whatever you do, don’t become a ruling party. Then you will be establishment. Ruling would mean Wilders having to put his money where his mouth is. And that’s kind of hard with those toilet paper policies he comes up with.

And no matter how popular your Wilders becomes he will have to form a coalition. Would he ever be able to do that? It would mean compromise and that is something Wilders seems pretty incapable of. So whatever you do, do not end up in a ruling coalition because then your Wilders might sink in. Just when you are almost done baking!!!

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And then what will you be serving during your dinner party?

2 COMMENTS

  1. Pfff, an easy point-scoring article hardly worthy of comment, but here goes anyway:

    Wilders, like Thatcher in 70’s and 80’s Britain is a conviction politician. He believes unwaveringly in what he stands for and doesn’t really care what you think (a decidedly Dutch characteristic). And you may or may not agree with his views, but you must respect his dogged determination to highlight and comment on what he believes in, on what he perceives is wrong with the direction the country is heading in.

    Holland has suffered years of ineffective (coalition) governments, an extension of the “polder model”, the consensus style of leadership evident in all aspects of Dutch life: committee after committee and meeting after meeting with nobody wanting to make any relevant or useful decisions.

    Thatcher brought some much needed change after years of mismanagement from both Left-wing and Right-wing governments in the UK. Some of these changes were good, some not so. But change it she did.

    I see Wilders as a similar catalyst. He sparks debate, the first stage on the road to making changes. And in doing so he’s got a lot more courage than the vague wishy-washy mainstream party politicians afraid to make bold statements for fear of upsetting the applecart (i.e., losings votes, then power).

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