Dutch Daily News 28/11/2013: Of Free Runners and Wool Pluckers

Greetings, lovers of Dutchness. It is I, Frank, with your daily dose of Dutch news.

Today’s topic is a shoot-out to all foreigners to PLEASE STOP HUMPING OUR INFRASTRUCTURE! Sorry, was that too rough a start? Allow me to explain, as far as I can, this **** right here:

That’s a free-runner (aka the French martial art of running away) by the name of Vincent Jamie Watson, whom I shall assume is British (because seriously, how much more British can a name get?). Watch him do an imitation of the most benevolent ninja you’ll ever see as he makes an elegant handstand with a few upside-down push-ups (push-downs?) at the top of a bridge in Rotterdam, all set to the same sassy tune that was used in Van Damme’s epic split (the split was so awesome that it transformed the sassy tune into a five hour guitar solo from all the members of SLAYER, at least to my best recollection). Despite all my cynicism, I’ve got to applaud Watson for an incredible stunt, truly his balls are so massive that they distort the very fabric of space and time. Too bad he had to pick the one city in The Netherlands where another, more deadly, martial artist already made his mark by sliding of the Willemswerf Building like it was just another Tuesday.

You can watch the fight scene that preceded this insane stunt right here if you want to, because of course you do.

Jackie Chan
The year 1998 will be forever known as the year when this man blessed Rotterdam by sliding his buttocks over our buildings. (source: WikipediaCommons)

In slightly less hilarious news, stores in the Netherlands are tripping over themselves to recall any and all products that contain the now notorious angora wool. The public went into overdrive after a video showing a rabbit being plucked/skinned alive went viral (and no, we’re not linking this, no way!). In a move that testifies to their moral character self-serving insight in how the market works, many clothes shops are now swearing they’ll never sell the stuff again.

And good news from the front: despite the recent upheaval about Dutch-on-Chinese racism, it looks like our two countries will be fighting side by side in the forthcoming peace-keeping mission in Mali. The Dutch soldiers will receive support from Chinese soldiers, the first time that a Chinese force will participated in a combat mission with Western nations (earlier missions only included supportive roles). I guess that’s good news, because nothing builds a brotherly bond like shedding blood and having your blood shed on foreign soil.

So much for today’s news. On to the weather report:

Weather report Netherlands

Frank Kool
Frank Kool
Born and raised in Holland, spent his time procrastinating and studying Psychology and Philosophy. Frank harbors a special interest in weird social phenomena (which are ALL social phenomenon if you think about them long enough).


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