You Like Cold? No? Here it Comes!

Everybody likes cold! If you don’t like cold, shitty weather that sucks into your clothes and makes your nose run, you came to the wrong country! We’re up for it this week, and by God do we love it!

Winter is Coming. (Kill us, please!)

What’s more fun than ice cold suffering among people who also love to complain about the weather? A chicken broth laced with arsenic? A fatal bullet to the brain? Playing chicken with an on-storming high-speed train? Well, get your butts ready because it’s going to happen this week! At least, if we can believe the good folk at Buienradar, there are some hard winter days coming soon. So get your gloves out, your shawl, your boots, your skis, your snowmobile and your chainsaw to go ice fishing.

According to Buienradar’s predictions for RTL Nieuws, starting Thursday temperatures won’t be climbing above 5C tops, which is still doable, but to make sure you’re miserable anyway we’re just going to add some hail storms along the coasts and snow in-land. Because what’s the fun of bicycling to school or work if you don’t cool down to the point of pneumonia and the risk of slipping and crashing with a concussion on top? Hells to the, yes!

The Weekend – Nice and Freezing.

Night temperatures will definitely drop below freezing point starting Friday, going through the weekend and ‘likely’ (no guarantees!) will climb back up a little later next week. So if you ever wanted to take in a homeless person to shelther them from the cold and get murdered in your sleep, now is the time!

Will this be the only cold weather this winter? Well, no… Well, maybe? If Trump, and the “New America” keeps sabotaging all the climate efforts, maybe we’ll be a tropical island by January? But we’re guessing no, so consider this a preview to what’s coming. You know you love it! And if you don’t, find a cute local Dutch person to make out that should keep you warm during the winter and maybe give you Epstein-Barr Virus! Sweet!

Oh, here’s a culinary tip though – when overcome by cold, eat “Snert” – it’s a traditional Dutch pea soup that’ll warm you up from your toes, to your privates to your soul! Enjoy the cold!


Bobby Salomons
Bobby Salomons is an Amsterdam-based published author and movie-blogger holding up too many balls to juggle at once. Suffering from Tortured Artist-syndrome he is left with no choice or hope until eventually breaking through.


  1. My poor friend Sukelia has moved to Holland recently and is in cold hating denial. She thinks winter is ace at the minute but it’s a cover up, a farce, a mask! No one really likes the cold.. ?


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