You are what you eat. That means the greasy junk food you shove directly into your mouth from a FEBO wall must be a correct representation of your innermost personality.
Don’t worry, we jest, we jest.
But still, it cannot be denied: even when being blinded by starvation hysteria, it takes a special kind of person to opt for plain patat, as opposed to a freaky frikandel, or a classy kaasoufflé.
So let’s find out what your favourite FEBO order reveals about your personality in this highly scientific article.
🍟 Patat/friet (fries)? You avoid food poisoning at all costs
You’ve been burned before. Maybe all it took was a seemingly harmless little shrimp. Next thing you knew, you had set up camp in a toilet stall for 24 hours so you could projectile vomit at five-minute intervals. 🤢
Whatever your haunting encounter with food poisoning looked like, one thing is for sure: you sure as heck aren’t going to risk having a repeat at this sketchy fast food wall. Nuh-uh. 🙅♀️
@febo_nl Onze frieten zijn ook wel heel verleidelijk 😌. #FEBO #friet #foryou ♬ yes and – chan
So, you warily edge around the foods that are trapped inside their steel cages and ask the kassa for a sauceless portion of good ole’ fright-less frites.
READ MORE | ‘Friet’ or ‘patat’? The ultimate guide to Dutch fries
Your friends call you a coward, but one day they’ll pay the price, and when that day comes, you won’t hold their hair back while they puke. 😈
🤐 Frikandel? You don’t eat and tell
Ooh, a vegetarian late-night slip-up, perhaps? You’ve got a hoodie pulled down over your face in an attempt at anonymity as you tiptoe your way through the dimly lit snack bar and reach for a cheeky, chewy frikandel.
To be fair, a frikandel’s contents are so ground up that it barely counts as meat anymore, no? 👀
@lillylikesamsterdam You really cant beat FEBO in Amsterdam 🍔#Meme #MemeCut #CapCut #FEBO #ams #amsterdam #netherlands #fyp #dam #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #amsterdamlocal #amsterdamtips #amsterdamguide #nederland #fypage ♬ orijinal ses – 🦢
Still, no one can ever know you were here, understood? You’re a healthy, disciplined human (with a TikTok account dedicated to meat-free meal prep) who eats home-cooked, noncarcinogenic dinners six nights a week.
It’s not your fault that your inner snack demon possessed you to come here. You might even go as far as to ask the store manager to delete security camera footage of you entering. Is that so wrong? 🤫
👨🍳 Kaassoufflé (cheese soufflé)? Pretending you’re in France
“What can I get for you?” asks the man behind the counter. (You hate using the weird locker thingies.)
“Kaasouffllé,” you reply airily, then clasp the dish in your silk-gloved fingers. 💁
An accent over the ‘e’ goes a long way. When you close your eyes and bite into the soft pillow of melted cheese, you imagine you’re eating off a porcelain plate on a Parisian terrace, as opposed to a soggy paper sheet outside a FEBO wall in the rain.
READ MORE | Dutch Quirk #32: Eat a lot of very questionable snack food
Regardless of what went down at the stinky rave you just attended, you like to approach any “hangover cure” with prestige and class. Besides, “cheese pastry” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
🍔 A standard burger? Welcome to NL. You must be new around here
“Bitter balls”? Feeling nauseous, you back away from the menu’s fine print with your hand clenched over your mouth in horror.
It’s been five hours since you got off the plane at Schiphol Airport for a weekend of degenerate, British-style stag fun. Now that you’ve been thrown out of many a bar for your “lad” antics, you could demolish a slice of pizza, a kebab, or a hot dog. 😋
READ MORE | What the frick is a frikandel?
But helaas, you are met with the hardship of dodgy Dutch cuisine, which your stomach doesn’t have the capacity to deal with (yet). You know this city wanted you to “Stay Away,” but given these food options, it’s like they’re trying to kill you! 😲
Your eyes scan the cubbies for something familiar until they land on what appears to be a plain old burger. Thank God those taste the same everywhere.
🐔 Kipburger (chicken burger)? You’re a gym bro on a cheat day
You grunt while completing minor tasks because it allows you to demonstrate what a strong alpha male you are. 💪
That is why you find yourself flexing your biceps performatively as you tap your card, purchasing a dry kipburger from the FEBO. Then you sprinkle a bit of extra protein powder on top for good measure.
READ MORE | What your favourite Dutch supermarket says about you
“It’s my cheat day. I’ve been bench-pressing 140 kilos all week, so it’s time for me to eat 10 of these little burgers,” you hear yourself explain in a loud voice, to no one in particular, before scurrying out of there. 👉 👈
😮💨 Kipkorn (chicken stick)? Do you have the munchies?
Could the fact that you’re inspecting all the snacks with a foolish smile plastered across your face have something to do with you being, well, a little geblunt (stoned) tonight? Don’t worry, your secret is safe with us. 🥦
Captivated by the bright neon lamps outlining the wall, you float toward the FEBO like a bloodshot-eyed moth to a flame.
There, catching the fluorescent light and glistening in all its greasy glory, you see it: the love of your life, the only thing that ever understood you.
A kipkorn. You nibble at it slowly, savouring each delectable bite, before mindlessly devouring the rest of the FEBO wall’s contents until the staff kicks you out. 🤤
🧆 Rundvleeskroket (beef croquette)? You’re not trying to impress anyone
Hobbling lopsidedly because you lost a shoe and donned a shirt that wasn’t yours, you march toward the first snack shack you see. 🥴
READ MORE | A romantic film about FEBO? Yep, it’s a thing
Then you thrust loose change into the cubbyhole as if it’s a casino slot machine, and after snatching the rundvleeskroket, you cram it into your mouth at once, not stopping to chew.
Mascara was already streaked down your cheeks, but now crumbs and sticky sauce have been added to the mix.
But so what if other customers stare at you like you’re mauling a small animal? You’re too sick and tired to care anymore. Plus, you’re so drunk you likely won’t remember this shameful moment! 😃
@dutchreview Nothing like a dry stick of amalgamated meat 😍 #fyp #dutchreview #netherlands #nederland #frikandel ♬ original sound – I Green Screen Things
How accurate was this list? Do you feel “seen” or misrepresented? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
In our office we have “friet” dag once a week. I only order “kroket”, I don’t care for the rest.
What’s more, for being a Dutchie myself, more than half of them, I’ve never eaten !