OPINION: Gen Zs need a guide on how to make friends. The Dutch have a solution

Turns out, it's genius

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Despite the many famous Dutch shortcomings in social interaction, one thing they got right is the humble borrel

Not the borrel itself, mind you, which is often in a crappy bar, with watery beer and half a cup of nuts. That part could be improved upon. 

No, the genius lies elsewhere. Really, the borrel represents something greater: a profound, rare, human-to-human (albeit alcohol-stimulated) interaction that predates the internet age.

At the very least, these meet-ups are a reason to get out of the house, which my generation, Gen Z (less-than-lovingly dubbed the “loneliest generation”), desperately needs.

If you’re of an older generation, you may be thinking, “What, these kids need a masterclass on how to have a pint with friends?” 

The sad truth is, “Yes, many of us do.” 

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We may be known for our “Gen Z stares,” TikTok addictions, and for being in a “sex recession,” but what can you expect when we were raised on an unfiltered and unregulated diet of internet exposure, world-shattering political changes, and economic hard truths?

Honestly, I think we should have turned out a lot worse. 

Is it really that strange that we want to hide under the covers alone instead of making friends? No. Does that mean it’s a solution? Also no. 

If you want a village, be a villager

I believe that the anti-social tendencies of my age group are often not for a lack of trying — we just don’t have the right tools to make community happen. 

The reality is that friendship, much like romantic love, is an active process right from the start. 

Of course, introductions and meet-cutes can happen accidentally, but maintaining those connections and building on them takes time and effort.

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In a world of instant gratification, however, this is a bit of a lost practice. 

Not only are perfect social lives perpetually modeled for us on our screens, but the constant dopamine rush from the internet itself is also damaging our ability to be patient and tolerate discomfort. 

It’s even been studied: there is a wealth of research dedicated to examining how a lack of impulse control and impatience interacts with high internet use. 

young-woman-in-a-white-sweater-and-a-gold-ring-is-very-focused-on-her-phone
With the whole world at our fingertips, why would we need to go out? Image: Depositphotos

Somehow, it’s nice to know my short attention span isn’t totally my fault…

Being social is hard (for some of us)

Alas, creating and remaining in community with other people can be SUPER uncomfortable.

It’s annoying to be social when you don’t feel like it, when it’s inconvenient, when it asks you to sacrifice something. It’s also entirely necessary.

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Which no one likes to hear. Especially not people like me (antisocial 22-year-olds).

But unlike our parents, Gen Z has been able to escape this discomfort by retreating online. 

We can cosplay interaction with instagram posts and comments, engage in parasocial relationships with influencers who don’t know our first names, and even use AI chatbots as therapists. 

Not to mention, we also lived our formative years during a pandemic that suddenly made social distancing and isolation far less taboo. 

photo-of-young-people-wearing-face-masks-leaning-against-wall-all-using-their-phones
Remember when social distancing was a thing? Image: Depositphotos

Besides, the rise of influencers and constant guides on how to ‘become a better you’ has made us hyper-focused on personal growth. 

Suddenly, it became acceptable to ‘focus on yourself,’ to ‘cut people off,’ and to generally be entirely individualistic in our choices.

It’s even seen as healthy (which makes it even easier to excuse yourself from social norms). 

And hey, going to the gym and focusing on yourself rather than going for a drink with friends is, for plenty of reasons, good on paper. 

But what happens when that priority of self-improvement and individualism overtakes our ability to be in community with others?

Why the borrel is a cure

Again, the borrel itself doesn’t solve this issue. 

But this Dutch practice of regularly meeting up with colleagues, friends, associates, teammates, in a chill place that doesn’t ask you to be productive is…dare I say, restorative?

READ MORE | 18 ways to actually make friends as an expat in the Netherlands in 2026

And, without making a fun thing boring, it’s worth mentioning how the structure of it all is genius. 

Not only does it give you a chance to meet people, but it also makes it easy to be consistent with those connections. 

The repetition, the casual setting, the knowledge that if you miss it this week, you’ll get another chance — it all massively takes the pressure off. 

young-people-gathering-at-a-borrel-cheersing-in-the-netherlands
The borrel is just the thing for making new connections! Image: Freepik

Undeniably, anything that helps us get out of our heads and into the real world is a huge win. 

So, in a way, the humble borrel is exactly what my generation needs — a hack to simplify the daunting task of finding community. 

Plus, you get a biertje for your troubles. 

What are you waiting for? Go to the borrel

What do you think of the borrel? Let us know in the comments!

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Feature image:Depositphotos

Accuracy, clarity, and a touch of humour — that’s DutchReview. Read our editorial mission.

Ida Allen-Auerbach
Ida Allen-Auerbach
Ida Allen-Auerbach is an Amsterdam-based writer and journalist originally from Los Angeles. She relocated to the Netherlands in 2021 for her bachelor’s studies, earning a degree in Political Science through UvA’s PPLE program. She now covers news at Dutch Review, drawing on her multicultural background to report on politics, society, and more. Outside of work, she's usually busy kickboxing or bouldering with friends.

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