So we all know that the Dutch language can get a bit wacky sometimes and even some Dutch people get stumped. Imagine how the non-Dutch folk wrap their heads around it!
There’s been a trend on Twitter about “In the Netherlands, we don’t say _______, we say…”, and some are pretty damn funny (got inspired by this one).
Some of them are totally bonkers for non-native speakers, but that’s kind of the point. 😉
Sometimes we quote songs…
In the netherlands we don’t say “i love you” we say “jij moet mee naar diemen zuid want je ziet er lekker uit” and i think that’s beautiful
— (ﾉ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ﾉ ??? (@meisjestatta) 21 november 2017
Translation: You have to go to diemen south because you look nice!
Looking after your cents is key…
In the Netherlands they don’t simply say “I miss you” but “ik krijg nog 55 cent van je wil je dat even overmaken”. I think that’s very beautiful.
— Jacob Joseph Eliza Maria (@Jachalz) 18 november 2017
Translation: You still owe me 55 cents you can transfer it.
Sometimes we call our loved ones horrible names (by accident, maybe)…
In the Netherlands we sometimes call our loved ones “Poepje”, which means “Piece of shit” what a beautiful language
— Evævæva (@rampzaligheid) 23 mei 2017
There are other ways to say I love you or ‘close the door’…
In the Netherlands we don’t say: “I Love you”. We say: “doe die deur achter je kont dicht” and I think that is really beautiful. ?
— ??. (@TheOtherBQ) 21 maart 2018
Translation: Close that door behind your ass!
Oh, the classic ‘I’m not racist but’:
In The Netherlands, we don’t say “I’m not racist, but..”, we say “die zeurpiete moete van onze traditie afblijve!!”, and I think that is kaolo irritant
— firoza? (@BitchOfKitsch) 21 november 2017
Translation: That whiner should stay away from our tradition!
Because eating is important… (also: toetje: dessert)
In The Netherlands, we don’t just say “I love you“, we say “als je je bord niet leegeet, krijg je ook geen toetje” and i think that is beautiful.
— ✨Nancy✨ (@NancyVerlaat) 10 januari 2018
Translation: If you don’t finish your plate, you won’t get dessert!
Sometimes you just need to give them something to whine about…
Dutch parents don’t say “I love you” to their kids but “Janken? Ik zal je een reden geven om te janken” and I think that’s beautiful ❤✨?
— Anna Krijger ?? (@AnnaKrijger) 30 augustus 2017
Translation: Whining? I’ll give you a reason to cry!
Politeness is always really important…
In the Netherlands we don’t say ‘oh, I’m sorry’, we say ‘kun je niet uit je doppen kijken klootzak’ and I think that’s beautiful.
— R?se Warnas (@rosewarnas) 30 juli 2018
Translation: Can’t you watch your 💩 motherf*cker.
Keep your enemies close and your neighbours closer… And you really need to know about the ‘driving judge’!
In Dutch you don’t say ‘How are you!’, you say: ‘Jouw buxushaagje staat 20 centimeter te dicht op de erfgrens, ik sleep je voor de #rijdenderechter, dakhaas!’ and I think that’s beautiful.
— Stefan ???? (@Stiif) 21 november 2017
Translation: Your boxwood hedge is 20 centimetres too close to the property boundary, I’ll drag you before the #driving judge, roof rabbit! — listen, we don’t know either.
When food is life… 😋
In the netherlands we don’t say “i love you” we say “doe maar 6 friet met mayo en een frikandel want dat wijf moet ook nog nassen” and i think that’s beautiful
— bobkaal (@bobdekalekop) 20 november 2017
Translation: JUST DO 6 FRIES WITH MAYO AND A FRIKANDEL BECAUSE THAT B*TCH HAS TO GO!
There are other ways to express your love…
In The Netherlands, we don’t just say “I love you”, we say “die kut-A12 staat weer vast dus wacht maar niet op mij met eten”, and I think that is beautiful
— Maartje (@amsgeel) 20 november 2017
That p🐱ssy A12 is fixed again, so don’t wait for me to eat! — Again, we wish we could shed some light on this.
Limburg has other ways of expressing their love…
In Limburg zeggen we niet ‘ik hou van je’ maar zeggen we ‘mosse nog pils?’ Wat betekent dat je aan diegene denkt en om hem geeft. Lief hè? https://t.co/B60l1Vvkn6
— Laura?(beetje raar wel) (@raarwezen) 16 november 2017
Translation: I love you’ but do we say ‘mosse still lager?’ Which means you think about that person and care about them. Isn’t it sweet?
Thank god the summer is over!
in Dutch we don’t say ‘Fijne dag vandaag,’ we say ‘Blij dat die tyfushitte voorbij is en dat je eindelijk niet zweet als een dolle baviaan’ and I think that’s beautiful
— Chagenijn (@ChageNijn) 28 juli 2018
Translation: Have a nice day,’ we say ‘Glad that the typhoid heat is over and you’re finally not sweating like a mad baboon.
The dreaded circle of death…
In the Netherlands, we don’t say “so nice that you came!”, we say “Hooi neem een worstje, pak een stoel en vraag of Ria ff opschuift, wil je slagroomtaart of appel-kruimel?” and I think that is beautiful.
— Jasper Schilder (@jasperschilder) 12 april 2018
Translation: Hey take a sausage, grab a chair and ask Ria to move up, do you want whipped cream pie or apple crumble? — Anyone care to shed some light??
On your bike!…
In The Netherlands we don’t just say “I love you” we say “Je gaat gewoon op de fiets naar school ondanks deze grafkou, kreng!!” and I think that’s beautiful. https://t.co/uTMSWDjCyp
— Thies (@zegmaarthies) 27 februari 2018
Translation: You just cycle to school despite the freezing cold, bitch!
Are there any others that you can think of? Let us know in the comments!
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on October 2018, and was updated September 2022 for your reading pleasure.
Since the article is in English… wouldn’t it make sense to translate all these Dutch sentences?
(And don’t send me links to google-translate… that would be so Dutch.)
In Limburg zekken veur neet kan je niet uitkijken veur zekke sjeile wiekser waat tunkt dig ?
Sommige kloppen niet. Ik zeg wel “ik hou van jou”