If you know, you know. And if you don’t know, well…now you do. Since 2008, having sex in Amsterdam’s Vondelpark has been legal — as long as you stick to a few guidelines.
That’s right, you can ‘sleep’ with someone (minus the bed) smack in the middle of Amsterdam and in the great outdoors. 🌿
Does this progressive law make strides for the sexual liberation movement? Or did the Dutch government’s indulgence in people’s thrill-seeking go too far? That’s up to you to decide.
Here are the facts 👉👌
Vondelpark amasses millions of visitors per year. 10 million visitors, to be exact. Some of these are, well, freakier than others.
So how did this wholesome park, once a stylish recreation ground for middle-class Amsterdammers in the mid-19th century, become a swing-set-by-day, sex-swing-for-swingers-by-night kind of place?
READ MORE | The complete and unadulterated guide to sex in the Netherlands
It all started on a fateful September day in 2008, when Amsterdam Alderman Paul van Grieken made a life-changing and controversial announcement.
It was suddenly legal for consenting adults over the age of 18 to, *ahem*, get it on in Vondelpark — so long as they:
- did so under the cloak of night (never when it’s light outside),
- didn’t have “intercourse near the playground,”
- and cleaned up their “garbage” afterwards. 🥴
You’re welcome to the Vondelpark 🥰😎✌🏼 in Amsterdam. Funfact: It’s allowed to have sex in public HERE, if you take the trash with you after 🤣🤣🤣. Except around the playground 😂😂😂😂😂😂. pic.twitter.com/sDIt2ZVbNt
— ⬣ Suzannes💎Art ⬣⭐️ #HEX #TYRH #PLS #PLSX (@suzannehexican) October 4, 2022
The reason for this new law? Who knows. The way Van Grieken saw it, it wasn’t something he could regulate even if he wanted to. Perhaps the sexual activity was already happening, so much that Amsterdam police were tired of fighting it.
As the saying goes, if you can’t beat ‘em, join — okay, yeah, maybe not.
What’s the catch?
Let’s hope you didn’t just glance at this article’s headline, grab a suitcase full of sex toys, and make a beeline for Vondelpark in broad daylight. Slow down there, cowboy! ☝️🤠
First, and very importantly, keep in mind that sex is not legal in other Dutch parks, only in Vondelpark.
Should this article inspire you to venture into the Volderpark shrubbery for your own sexcapade, whether it’s to spice up a dead marriage or because you’re without accommodation (Amsterdam is expensive, after all), remember the three S’s:
1. Sort out the trash (Ew)
While the municipality claims to be indifferent about any sex that may or may not be happening behind closed doors/vegetation, they are tired of finding the condoms people often leave behind. (Um, understandably so).
So, unless you want your DNA traced back to you (just kidding), make sure you clean up after you wrap up.
2. Stay secluded, voyeurs should be excluded
Although this might seem like common sense, some adventurers before you have failed in this area. Let their mistakes be a lesson to you.
You’ve got to stay camouflaged, buried deep in bushes, even wear all camo if possible, and make sure you sufficiently stifle the sounds of your midnight lovemaking. 🤫
If you’re an innocent dog walker who isn’t interested in park sex: try to steer clear of bushes if you happen to find yourself frolicking around Vondelpark after hours, lest you accidentally encounter some naked cuddling.
Consider this a warning. (That said, please don’t try your hand at voyeurism either. Don’t be that guy/girl.)
3. Stop, just stop
Wait, you weren’t actually going to go there, were you? Please don’t. This is an intervention.
Think about the stinging nettles that could end up in any…orifices. Not to mention the fact that there are plenty of ticks in the Netherlands. Stay safe out there! 😬
Enter at your own risk
In 2017, police chief Bernard Welten issued a warning reminding park-going sex-havers to keep things tasteful and, above all, discreet.
One couple got so caught up in the throes of the passion that year that it became an audible, visible “nuisance” to those around them.
It’s perfectly fine to go at it “at times when no one is walking their dog in Vondelpark,” suggested Welten at the time.
But if a wide-eyed dog walker stumbles upon a scene that’s mentally scarring and then notifies the police, the authorities won’t hesitate to “act”.
Basically, do try to keep your dignity and respect for others intact when partaking in some horizontal tango in Vondelpark. (Well, in this case, it might be more of a vertical tango, but you know what, let’s not get into it.)
READ MORE | How the pandemic pushed sex workers into the shadows
Mixed reception
Like any progressive, sex-positive decision, this Vondelpark law was met with its fair share of pushback.
Among the most critical voices was an employee of Vondelpark’s Blue Tea House, who called the whole affair belachelijk (ridiculous).
He also pointed out the government’s hypocrisy, considering how many restrictions there are for paid sex compared to unpaid sex.
READ MORE | In the Netherlands, it’s legal to offer driving lessons in exchange for…sex?
An elderly couple strolling through the park with their grandchild back in the day also scolded the municipality for being “irresponsible” and for promoting “filth.”
Whether or not you agree, it’s important to keep the opinions of locals in mind when embarking on your own…journey.
Significance in the LGBTQ+ community
Over the years, the site has gained a reputation for its significance concerning Amsterdam’s LGBTQ+ community.
Well before the law was in place, parts of Vondelpark were reportedly a hotspot for gay men to have late-night trysts, dating back to, some say, the 17th century.
READ MORE | Hiking in Amsterdam: top 7 places for wandelen near the city
Considering the strict, discriminatory rules they faced, doing it at home may not have been an option.
Cases like that do demonstrate why meeting somewhere outside to engage in funny business — so long as it’s both safe and consensual — might not be that bad of an idea.
Along #Amsterdam Pride Walk route, standard bearers held flags from the 71 countries where homosexuality is still criminalized. Afterward, the flags stood together in shame in Vondelpark. #ZeroFlagProject #LGBTQ #HumanRights pic.twitter.com/j907azF1AL
— David Swatling (@davidswatling) July 31, 2022
Is this law reasonable, helpful, or just plain disturbing? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
So, that’s why it’s called ‘fondle park’.