British-Dutch relations under severe pressure after anti-British ‘inburgerings scandal’

The Dutch-British diplomatic relationship has come under severe pressure following the uncovering of scandalous acts conducted during the inburgeringstoets of British citizens. Relations were already strained after the Dutch annexation of Scotland which was earlier announced today and the incoming Expat Tax in Amsterdam which would also apply to British citizens living there.

The inburgeringstoets is a mandatory test for immigrants who want to work and live in The Netherlands. Following Brexit, there has been a sharp increase in British expats moving to The Netherlands. While there is nothing wrong with people seeking their fortune in another country, some worry about a British brain-drain. Others raise alarming voices saying that a sudden increase in high-educated, wealthy foreigners will raise housing prices in big cities.

Dutch indecency against the British

To deal with this new wave of immigrants, Dutch officials have created a special inburgeringstoets for people from the British Isles. Though seemingly fair at first, reports of off-the-record abusive practices came out.

One participant (who prefers to remain anonymous) reported incidents that seemed more like a fraternity hazing. “People were made to stand in the middle of the room, surrounded by the instructors, and forced to recite Dutch tongue twisters such as ‘De kat krabt de krullen van de trap…’ Those who failed where laughed at by the instructors and were pelted with Dutch licorice.” She said, visibly emotional. “It was so humiliating!”

Another man claimed he was peer-pressured into stuffing his mouth full of stroopwafels, stand on a table, and sing the Dutch national anthem. “I canny find ’em words to ‘escribe how fookin’ awful it was, mate!” he said, having mixed feelings about the degrading practice and the delicious stroopwafels.

Other voices complained about cruel and unusual acts of cultural oppression. “We were all made to swear that the comedy bits of ‘Kooten & de Bie’ are funnier than Monty Python and Mr. Bean.” one man said, shaking his fist in anger. “Utter bollocks!” he further added.

Other reported dehumanizing tasks included wiping their nose with the British flag, and personally apologizing for the Anglo-Dutch wars of the 17th century.

Jennifer U. Wothmate, executive of the English organization Citizens Raging Against Preclusion, called the incidents: “[t]he absolute worst case of Anglophobia we have witnessed in decades!”

The Dutch response

The incidents have provoked mixed responses from Dutch politicians.

Thierry Baudet, leader of the FvD (Forum for Democracy), a Eurosceptic who also supports leaving the EU, was quoted as saying: “Good. Hope it hurts!”

Geert Wilders, a long-time opponent of mass-immigration, remained silent on the issue.

Allegedly, Prime Minister Mark Rutte laughed loud and hard when he first heard the news, chuckling something about “plebeians” and “serves them right!” He changed his tone when he realized the cameras were recording and smoothly transitioned into a monologue about how unacceptable this all is and how the Dutch stand to be united with their overseas neighbor.

Theresa May and Boris Johnson, seriously representing Great Britain to the rest of the world are still pondering an official reply, but the phrase ‘Brexit means Brexit’ has been heard coming from Downing Street 10.