7 odd Dutch quirks that show the stranger side of the Netherlands

I’m proud to be Dutch, I really am. After all, the Netherlands is a country of amazing and wonderful occurrences and phenomena.

Citizens of this nation definitely have good reason to be proud of the country’s accomplishments. However, for all its genius, the Netherlands has many strange quirks.

Here are just seven of the odder cultural Dutch quirks.

1. They are always on time

When you schedule a meeting here at 11 AM, you’ll find that the meeting will begin at precisely 11:00 AM. Not a minute sooner or later.

READ MORE | The ultimate list of Dutch quirks

You’re probably sitting there thinking, “Well, of course, the meeting was scheduled for 11:00 AM, so it starts at 11:00 AM.”

But the truth is, unless you’re Dutch (or from the handful of other ‘on-time’ places), then you’re probably late for every meeting you attend — even if you don’t realise it.

If you’re an international living in the Netherlands, then it might not be a bad idea to invest in a watch.

2. They congratulate absolutely everyone on birthdays

I don’t mean to imply that the Dutch don’t celebrate birthdays. They do. In fact, when someone is jarig (meaning that it’s their birthday), you’re expected to congratulate them. That doesn’t seem so weird, does it?

But you’re also expected to congratulate everyone else remotely related to them if you happen to come into contact with them.

Say you’re invited to your friend’s birthday party. You show up (obviously on time), and you’re met by a living room filled with relatives and friends, all seated in a single circle surrounding the coffee table.

All the heads turn to you, and you’re expected to make your way around the circle to each person and congratulate them for the birthday of whoever is celebrating that day.

READ MORE | 9 Dutch birthday traditions that’ll confuse the heck out of internationals

Only after this ritual of round introductions may you then take your own seat and witness the quiet, awkward politeness that is the celebration of birth.

3. Their toilets are just… weird

On this subject, I will first quickly get the whole ‘shelf toilet out’ of the way.

Depending on your expectations, it may or may not disappoint. I literally cannot count on my two hands how often I have had a conversation about the design of this particular restroom.

Despite their strange looks, they actually make a lot of sense for several reasons. Firstly, the toilet-goer is provided with a glance at their deposit after the deed (especially useful for those who want to know more about their current health afflictions).

It also severely reduces backsplash (a source of potential hygiene issues and frequently unwanted wetness).

Setting toilet design aside, the Dutch bathroom is a strange phenomenon in and of itself. The way they are shoved into the smallest spaces imaginable is astounding.

Despite being the tallest people in the world, Dutchies have an incredible love for tiny bathrooms.

Sitting down in a bathroom like this is a skill in and of itself. Especially for those with average or longer-sized legs, be ready to become a contortionist. I’m personally no longer surprised when I find my feet on either side of my head during bathroom visits.

4. They say helaas pindakaas and other weird things

There are no two ways about it, Dutch sayings are weird.

Take helaas pindakaas, for instance, which literally translates to “too bad, peanut butter.” In fact, the following few examples really speak for themselves:

Van een vlieg een olifant maken / To make an elephant out of a fly
Wie boter op zijn hoofd heeft, moet uit de zon blijven / He who has butter on his head must stay out of the sun.
Met de deur in huis vallen / To fall with the door into the house.
Nu komt de aap uit de mouw / Now the monkey comes out of the sleeve.

5. They are super stingy with their money

It is no secret that the Dutch are considered stingy and careful with their money. So much so that the phrase “going Dutch” refers to the practice of splitting a bill so that each exactly pays precisely his or her portion of the whole, not a penny more or less.

Of course, this penny-pinching practice is often less than practical, and as such, the Dutch have also developed an incredible array of tools to ease the process.

READ MORE | Tikkie etiquette: the do’s and don’ts of asking for money in the Netherlands

From the removal of one and two-cent coins in the economy to the development of highly efficient Internet banking and apps like Tikkie, the Dutch are obsessed with making their frugality practical.

6. They have very specific insults

Like many other cultures, the Dutch are not ones to back down from a good argument, and unsurprisingly we can get very creative.

Among the more everyday categories of insults are illness and disease (because that’s normal, apparently). Take some common examples, such as wishing someone the kanker (cancer), tyfus (typhoid), or tering (tuberculosis).

But it gets stranger. Among other insults that have met my ears are anusridder (anus knight), klootzak (ball sack), and huppelkut (skipping vagina).

And if you really want to get weird (if not necessarily dirty), then consider the fact that I’ve been called a sprinkhaan (grasshopper).

Other insults include krentenbol (a Dutch bread with raisins), mongol (Mongol, duh), and NSB’er (referring to members of the Dutch Nazi Party).

7. They consume an insane amount of coffee

With the Dutch people’s over-reliance on caffeine, the Netherlands has the fifth-highest per-capita consumption of coffee in the world. That would be fine, but you’d think with their addiction to coffee, they could at least make it…good?

Despite all these Dutch quirks, I still love this country. Ultimately, it’s these strange little things that make the Netherlands what it is and make it wonderful (most of the time).

Which of these Dutch quirks surprised you? Which have you witnessed yourself? Let us know in the comments below!