While I’m sure to enrage a few Dutchies with this question, I just had to ask. Do Dutch people not know how to throw a proper house party?
Before you come at me with a hooivork (pitchfork), ask yourself: what do you think a house party is?
Is it a raucous event with multiple speakers, tons of people, dancing, and mingling? Or is it 20 people, all sitting around the apartment with a Heineken. And I’m not even talking about the Verjaardagskring (circle of death) at every Dutch birthday party.
READ MORE | “Verjaardagskring”: A guide to surviving the circle of death at Dutch birthday parties
Where I grew up (in sunny California), house parties were pretty much the only way to have some good dirty fun before you turned 21. Needless to say, we took these debaucherous events very seriously.
So imagine my surprise when, upon arrival in the Netherlands, I found the efforts…lacking.
To be fair…
Obviously, there are some qualifying factors here. US cities are structured differently: unless you live in New York, you’re much more likely to live in a condo or a shared house than a high-rise apartment complex.
Meanwhile, in Amsterdam (where I reside), people live in apartments or shared dorms. Maybe I’m just hanging with the wrong crowd, but I’ve never been friends with anyone who actually lives in a house.
Plus, Dutch weather doesn’t exactly allow for the best backyard partying.
Nevertheless, some things are just plain different. Here’s what shocks me about Dutch house parties.
Beer or bust
Speaking as quite the beer-lover myself, what is up with the drink choices at Dutch house parties?
It seems variety is not the goal. Crates of Heineken offered by the host are usually complemented with the wildly adventurous (kidding) six-pack of Grolsch brought by each guest.
If you’re lucky, someone might bring an Amstel.
READ MORE | Dutch Quirk #99: Drink beer like it’s a national sport
Back home, the second ‘B’ in BYOB really did stand for beverage, not beer. Different people brought different drinks, which might not have been great in terms of hangovers, but was excellent in terms of fun and flavour.
Seriously, are we expecting everyone to have the exact same tastebuds? Niet lekker, guys.
Music is not the enemy
Another bone I have to pick is with the, shall we say, soundscape of the modern Dutch house party.
While my old days of partying involved a designated dancing corner fueled by smooth sounds and a whole mix of genres, Dutch people do it a bit differently.
READ MORE | 11 Dutch songs to learn the language (and culture!)
When you enter the party, your ears will be graced (or battered) by one of two options:
Either the lonely jbl speaker is tucked away at the far end of the room, quietly puttering away some unrecognisable house track, or it’s on the central table blasting ear-splitting techno so loudly that you can’t understand the person next to you.
How are these the only two options? And don’t get me started on the dancing…
Why is no one dancing?
Here’s a big one: there is a serious lack of dancing at these so-called house parties.
Maybe it’s too frivolous for the serious Dutchies, maybe the beer just isn’t getting them drunk enough, but something seems to be preventing people at Dutch parties from getting down (as the kids say).
In all fairness, this might also be attributable to a lack of space. Though when it comes to dancing, I’m of the opinion that where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Are we really just going to sit around in a circle chatting the whole time? Personally, I thought that was reserved for Dutch birthday parties exclusively.
It’s not a crime to dance, jongens (guys).
While I may have just bombarded our tall friends with criticism, allow me to be diplomatic. I could be wrong!
It’s possible that I’ve just been attending all the wrong house parties, or maybe Dutchies outside the Randstad party differently.
If you recognised these signifiers of a disappointing Dutch throwdown, though, you have my condolences.
Do you agree? What do you think of Dutch house parties? Let us know in the comments!
I don’t know how it is today as I been living in the us for several years, but when I was under 21 the last place I wanted to party was at someone’s house. We Dutchies just went out, we went clubbing. In Rotterdam I we went out to bars and clubs and danced and drank at 17, 18 and then for the cooldown at 4am to the “coffee shop” and then een broodje shawarma! No need to party in someone’s house…