Ah, Bitcoin. The other relentless pandemic that’s ruining our social lives and happiness. Although it is very much an international issue, it seems to be particularly infectious among Dutch males with very few maatregelen (restrictions) in place.
Perhaps you’ve already got someone in mind? And perhaps you’ve had enough? Don’t worry. Here’s some positive capital to invest in.
While some Bitcoin conversations could very well be the cure for chronic insomnia, it has been scientifically proven to be a very destructive drain on limited natural resources such as time and f*cks given.
READ MORE | Bitcoin and the Netherlands: How it could change life in Holland
To borrow (and edit) human Muppet Michael Gove’s famous Brexit declaration: I think the people of this country have had enough of Bitcoin experts.
Especially those who don’t seem to be making much money at all. Just enemies.
Sitting there and taking it like a champ is no longer acceptable, so here are some tried and tested, Dutch-orientated methods to get some sweet, Bitcoin-free relief.
Tell them to ‘Hou je bek’ — meaning shut your mouth
Yup — the Dutch option. Well, when in Rome…
This is definitely a know-your-audience approach and could backfire spectacularly — but the blunt, fearless expression of disapproval and a willingness to change the topic on your own terms is a real-life, invaluable Inburgeringscursus experience.
A potent combination could be an ultimatum: “Either move to El Salvador or hou je bek.“
But for the record, saying “how about you invest in this” and showing your middle finger is, surprisingly, deemed highly inappropriate and counterproductive.
Use distraction tactic 1 — 90’s/00’s music nostalgia
This is clearly an age-appropriate topic but one that seems to get results fast.
Throw in some Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, and definitely a slew of happy hardcore anthems such as Nakatomi’s ‘Children of the Night’ and Party Animals’, ‘Have You Ever Been Mellow.’
READ MORE | 11 Dutch songs to learn the language (and culture!)
Quality is, of course, not essential here — just anything that induces that warm, fuzzy glow of nostalgia. A further classic is to translate the lyrics of these songs to highlight just how dirty they often were.
Bitcoin will soon be forgotten. If not, you can just turn the music up. 🎶
Distraction tactic 2 — controversy
Pushing buttons gets the job done, and some of us were born to push those buttons like an accomplished accordion player on speed.
My favourite conversational hand grenades for life in the Netherlands include:
- “Dutch males reach peak maturity at the age of 12”
- “Hamilton will always be a better driver than Verstappen” — but this can also spark very dry, monotonous conversations.
- “The FA Women’s Super League is already more competitive and of a higher quality than the Eredivisie” — However, the consequences are, understandably, very intense. So learn how to talk your way out of trouble and get ready to take some serious heat (it does work every time though…).
Just avoid politics. That’s the nuclear option.
Do you have any useful tips and tricks to plug Bitcoin conversations? Leave a comment and save a life.
Feature Image: fizkes/Depositphotos
Probably the worst article I’ve read in ages. Like, what the heck is it supposed to mean? Let me guess, I missed the train, I don’t understand jack shit of this technology so I might as well hate on it. Pathetic.