As you all know the Dutch like their bitterballen very much. These meaty balls with a potentially extremely hot substance are by most considered to be part of the Dutch cultural heritage like sitting in a circle-of-death at a birthday. So it’s to my astonishment that this vital piece of Dutch cuisine is under fire in Utrecht?!
Easy there DutchReview, you’re going crazy, what’s happening in Utrecht?
Yesterday the Party for Animals launched a motion that at least half of the bitterballen served at the cityhall should be vegan. Obviously (not sure if I’m cynical myself), the VVD in municipal council did the decent thing and immediately ordered up a few plates of non-vegan-probably-meat bitterballen.
This was of course the decent thing to do by the VVD, and everybody was expecting years of bitterballen fun to continue – UNTILL in a sheer-red-wedding-like moment the people from D66 and GroenLinks supported that vegan motion! THE MOTION PASSED
Not the Bitterballen!
So what now? This has turned into a principal matter for the VVD now, since they’re determined that everybody should decide for themselves if they are going to eat meaty balls or not. And they’re against parties and a government that makes ‘the fun things of life harder’ (if only the VVD said the same about softdrugs). The VVD is now calling on an open and personal vote, in order to sway some members of D66.
But D66, also liberals, they reason the other way and state that this motion actually gives people the freedom of choice when it comes to what they eat. Since now a vegan portion is guaranteed now.
Utrecht’s Cityhall
So what do you think? Is a vegan bitterball the work of crazy non-Netherlands-loving people? Is the VVD secretly getting high before citycouncil meetings? Has cucumbertime officially started?
Just when we thought about posting memes about the dreary Dutch Summer the good people of the weather websites who make the weather (I didn’t finish my meteorological studies, so might be wrong) decided to gift us with some warm and lovely weather.
Thursday will be hot
Not going to bore you with all the details, but at least make sure to choose Thursday as your ‘thuiswerkdag’ and secretly go to the beach.
Because as you can see, it’s going to be above 25 degrees!
source: screenshot weeronline
Sadly it doesn’t look there will be all-out sunshine in the week after, but at least you won’t have to put on the radiator. Here’s a movie of old-timey Holland cooling down in case you’re just going to be stuck in the office the coming days anyways:
Still the 020. Potentially against my will. If you are the police, call me.
What do you do outside of being a writer for DR?
I’m also a published writer outside of DutchReview, working on my own cult movie blog – Cult Pro Review, I also drink slightly too much and eat other people’s food (Hi, mom!)
What’s your favourite food?
Sushi, it’s like building your own aquarium on the inside where you feed the fish rice and warm sake. 🙂
What’s your favorite thing about the Dutch?
Our straightforward openness and honesty. Though some may find it rude, I’m happy to share and receive things the way they are. It makes life just a little less complex and you know what people are worth.
What’s your favourite song?
The Allman Bros. – Midnight Rider. That way when I tell people my favorite song, I’ve already admitted and warned them I’ll be running off with all their gold one day. In all honesty, it got me through a dark period, it made me feel like I could just split if I had to. I didn’t though, but the option was there. Nice tune too.
What’s the weirdest encounter you’ve had with Dutchness?
Dutch birthdays. My dad was an Indo (mixed-race Dutch-Indonesians) and I was used to lots of food, lots of talking and what not when visiting on birthdays – actual Dutch birthdays are lawn chairs, indoors in a circle, you have to meet everyone’s uncle/aunts (who aren’t actual family), you get one slice of cake and everyone sticks to their own group. I’m still not feeling it.
The seat of the Dutch government, the city of peace and justice, La Haye in French, Den Haag in Dutch… this city has many names and even more faces. So it’s time we walk past the Binnenhof and Palace ‘Noordeinde’ and show you some of the other best spots of The Hague.
Situated very close to its big, popular brothers, Amsterdam and Rotterdam, just a stone-throw away from the booming student city of Leiden, The Hague can and often is very different from them all, despite the proximity. Louis Couperus, one of the greatest writers of the Dutch literature once said: “Zoo ik íéts ben, ben ik een Hagenaar” (”As much as I am something, I am a Hagenaar”), a pretty inspiring quote, also written on his monument. Surely, this great city sits deep in his heart. In fact, The Hague stays in everyone’s heart, once they have the eyes to see the best spots of The Hague, and here’s why:
Best Spots of The Hague: The Bosjes
If even you are not a nature enthusiast, lover, admirer and so, you will not remain indifferent to the plethora of small forest, parks, and green settlements in The Hague.
They are everywhere, full of wildlife and plain beauty. It is not often that you walk through a big, busy city and in just a few steps, you suddenly find yourself in a quiet, secluded area, where your way is crossed by ducklings or swans.
Step outside of the central train station and there you will find the Malieveld park, surrounded by business buildings, hotels, ringing trams and cars. On its front side is a real fragment of the wildlife – a herd of deer and bucks calmly enjoying the green grass around and the curiosity of the bystanders.
And Malieveld doesn’t even start to describe the harmony of city and nature in The Hague. Herds of deer and city farms are also kept in the Zuiderpark, along with a good population of rabbits running in the wild. The park is also home to a charming rosarium, build by Napoleon for his Josephine.
A little further from Malieveld is the beginning of the Haagse Bos which by now is a fantastic, untouched real forest in the very heart of the city and one of the best spots of The Hague. On its north side is Clingendael, an impressive mansion with even more impressive forest area and a true pearl – the Japanese garden. Created by Baroness Marguerite Mary van Brienen, a.k.a. Lady Daisy, the garden hosts some of the brightest species of the Japanese flora and when it blossoms (in late April) it is simply breathtaking!
To list all green areas in The Hague would be an impossible task and also a bit unnecessary since a lot of work and attention has been put into making and preserving these places, that’s why they are best to be experienced in person, and with all human senses.
Best Spots of The Hague: A pretty city behind the dunes
… or in Dutch “mooie stad achter de duinen” is part of the refrain of a song by Harrie Jekkers from 1982, and ever since, it is considered the unofficial anthem of this city. Among other typical Hagenaar things (like the much-loved football team ADO), it also touches upon an integrative part of the life in this city – THE SEA COAST!
If you are looking for the obvious beach town pleasures – a wide promenade, collection of restaurants, countless beach bars and clubs, a true tourist center point, the place for you to be is around the hotel complex Kurhaus. Nothing is small here, not even the nearby apartment buildings. For a first timer at Scheveningen, the view is truly grand and there is nothing you would miss – food or entertainment. In the winter months, it even hosts a small ice rink!
Just opposite Kurhaus is the Pier that stretches into the sea and functions like a covered wide boulevard, full of shops and food places. The newest pride of The Hague is also to be found there – a Ferris wheel above the sea.
But the coast around The Hague is so much more than that. Its fine sand stretches in length and width so much that it has a place for every soul and beach loving body. Only a 10 minutes bike ride south of the tourist area will take you to Kijkduin, and the preservation park of the dunes. You will be surrounded by hills and valleys of golden sand, driving through the little wild but calming bike line. Its side roads will offer you some much-wanted shadow in the sun with their small, thick trees. If you are lucky (and quiet enough) you may even meet a fox!
The area is remarkably clean although it has a beach part and a few bars, it is really a place to enjoy some of the true pleasures of life.
First and foremost, De Haagse Markt is a cultural experience.
It is a shaker of cultures and customs, foods and beverages, moods and sounds. Its many faces and stands take you to a quick tour around most of the world, its abundance of goods makes your visit an experience beyond the banal shopping, but rather discovering new mixtures.
It won’t be too much to say that everything you can think of or may need, you can find here – food, home decoration, and appliances, musical instruments, repair materials, everyday clothes next to traditional costumes of various cultures.
De Haagse Markt is rich in colors and reflections, and one of the very few places to offer really fresh food sold by people who have every interest that you choose their stand and will make the effort. A visit in the morning guarantees you greater variety and fewer crowds, although the fullness of this place is part of the experience.
So what are your favorite spots of The Hague? Feel free to pitch in!
Yeah we know, it’s confusing for the outsider to really know the difference between Holland and the Netherlands. It also doesn’t help that the whole world, including this little website, uses both terms for the whole country all the time. Now we could do a lot of explaining in text (like this article about The Hague not being the capital) but there’s a classic video that does all that and better.
They got everything except the name right in this gif
And not only the difference between Holland and the Netherlands is explained, but also (New-) Zeeland and those tropical parts of Holland (sorry, the Netherlands). Enjoy!
Your timeline is filled with pictures of it, Kit Harrington is omnipresent, Westeros-references are abundant and the guy from the IT-department is now in his fourth week of greeting all his co-workers with a standard Valar Morghulis. Yes ladies and gentlemen, after the stupid US elections, Brexit and other distractions (really, that long ago?) we’re finally there: season 7 of Game of Thrones will finally air this montht! Let first catch up with the only thing you need to know and want to see (spoilers obviously! Also, you really might not wanna see it)
We also can’t wait Roose!
The Dutchness of Game of Thrones
Just like the rest of the world, the Netherlands are also struck by Game of Thrones fever, and fever is going places people. Even our former minister of Foreign Affairs is actually way too much into game of thrones as well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JYRfURVI_TM Surprisingly not that bad actually. Frans Timmermans connecting “Game of Thrones” to current state of Europe.
But it’s not only referencing and loose connections. There are some premium roles for Dutch actors in GoT season 4.
Carice van Houten is Melisandre
Beloved by many and loathed by some in the Netherlands and internationally, Carice van Houten is arguably the most well-known Dutch actress of this period. Playing the sorceress Melisandre since season 2 in Game of Thrones has meant her definitive international break-through.
Carice is set to return for season 7 as well. Probably doing what Dutch actors do best: display non-functional nudity and having a stereotypical accent (making Frans Timmermans look even better in retrospect).
Michiel Huisman as Daario Naharis
Wait a minute, wasn’t some other dude playing Daenerys new lover and warrior prince the first time? Yeah, that was Ed Skrein, but the makers of GoT have a nasty habit of recasting certain roles time and time again.
We’re down to our third Mountain that rides (source: memeslanding.com)
As we have seen from the already released material, this Daario also won’t feature a blue beard, something which will keep the hardcore fans squabbling for times to come (unless your one of those fans who has read books but is too ‘hipster’ for the series).
Huisman has been making somewhat of a name for himself in the States, featuring earlier in ‘Treme’ (the New Orleans flood series). In the Netherlands he was mostly known from his shitty roles in even shittier productions. For the love of God, don’t watch his earlier ‘work’ like Costa!
Have fun all watching the first episode this month people!
PS. Or be like me, and watch the first four episodes in a row somewhere in May (while continually rooting for The Lannisters to win big time).
It doesn’t get more Dutch than cheese, tulips and windmills! How can we not have visited the site of Kinderdijk before? Probably because some of us Dutchies just take these sites for granted – like you do with skyscrapers when you’re from New York. But thousands of you foreign visitors flock to the place every month, and rightly so!
Such an authentic Dutch landscape and 750 years of mastering the water. Let’s have a look at what exactly is going on at this windmill wonderland, how to get to Kinderdijk, and of course, see some beautiful shots of our famed windmills.
Obviously, going outside is not risk free in the coronavirus times, and that will remain the case until we have a vaccine. You can minimise your risk to others by keeping to a 1.5m distance, washing your hands, and sneezing/coughing into your elbow. If you have cold symptoms, stay indoors.
This place <3 Image: Supplied
What is Kinderdijk – and a little bit of history
Kinderdijk (literally translated Children’s Dike) is actually a village just a little 15km South-East of Rotterdam. The group of windmills took the name as well and yes it’s pretty cool that some people just have those windmills as their regular view.
Back in the 18th century (1740) a whopping 19 windmills were built there by the water managing Dutch, joining one that was put there in the 16th century! It’s now the largest group of old windmills in the Netherlands, and since 1997 it’s been a UNESCO World Heritage site.
The windmills were built there in order to drain the polder and create some new ‘Nederland’ when measures taken before 1740 proved not to be enough. Kinderdijk windmills were built to pump to guard our water-levels. Our land flooded and a dike was built. Then windmills were needed to pump out excess rainwater.
All of the windmills still function (!), but are no longer needed for the system. There is one diesel pumping station, and one electric instead.
How to get to Kinderdijk?
So it’s right next to Rotterdam, how hard can it be to visit? Well not that easy since it’s a rural area, but it is a fun trip altogether if you get it right. And by getting it right we mean; taking the ‘Waterbus’ from Rotterdam straight to Kinderdijk (here are some other ways to get there). The Waterbus is cheap, relatively fast, hassle-free and extremely scenic! Cycling is also an option for the ultimate Dutch experience – you can bring along your ‘fiets’ on the Waterbus!
Here it comes:
Get on line 202 right next to the Erasmus bridge! Image: Supplied
Right next to the Erasmus bridge is where you board the Waterbus line 202 for going straight to Kinderdijk, check here for the exact times and such. No need to buy a ticket, they’ll sell them on board in a hassle-free way (but be smart and buy tickets online and get a discount) and it will get you to Kinderdijk in under 30 minutes.
Of course, where the Waterbus really shines is taking you on a majestic ride through Rotterdam – which is already an amazing experience by itself. Of course, words don’t do it justice, so here are some pics from the journey.
You’ll pass under the Erasmusbridge and Willemsbridge. Image: Supplied
See classic buildings of Rotterdam you would normally miss like this old water tower. Image: Supplied
Noah’s ark! Image: Supplied
The Waterbus also takes you back. In the winter months you can still take the Waterbus, take line 20, with just a small transfer needed to get to Kinderdijk (no worries, they’ll make sure you don’t miss it, the ‘Triangle Ferry’ is adjusted to the schedule of the Waterbus).
Car and public transportation (forget about the trains) are also possible, but if you can’t take the Waterbus for whatever reason we strongly recommend getting to it by bicycle instead!
What to do at Kinderdijk?
When getting off the waterbus the first thing you want to do is gaze at one of these magnificent windmills, we did at least. And on a fair and quiet day (you might not want to visit with Easter for example) just looking at the old beauties is such a tranquil experience. But if you made the trip you should get the full experience as well and not just walk about. So what is there to do at Kinderdijk?
A boat tour at Kinderdijk
Image: Supplied
With good weather, it might be nice to take a boat tour through the area. There are planned out routes or hop-on-hop-off boats which permit you a bit more freedom to do as you please and discover the area, more info on boat tours in Kinderdijk right here
The Kinderdijk visitors center
Image: Supplied
Learn about the Dutch trade of water-management at the Wisboom pumping station which nowadays functions as the visitors center. And of course visit a windmill, there are different styles, and see how the millers used to live and work.
Really interesting to see this gem of Dutch culture on the inside, and a windmill continues to be an exceptional building – a marvel of the technology of a bygone era and an exceptional place to live in! Especially an interesting experience since a whopping 16 (!) of the Kinderdijk windmills are inhabited by millers and their families.
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Kinderdijk has a nice online ticket sale which gets you a discount for these things and can buy a ticket for just 6,50 – it’s to be recommended when you’re planning to visit just that one time.
And of course, don’t forget to admire the beauty of Kinderdijk
But in the end, you will come for the pure majestic Dutchness that is produced by the mere existence of 19 beautiful windmills on the traditional Dutch countryside. It’s the opportunity to shoot some shots that just seem to scream that you were in Holland and share them with the world.
*Pro-tip for the Instagrammers: #kinderdijkmills gets your picture on the Instawall of Kinderdijk.
Enjoy the pics!
Image: Supplied
Also a lovely spot to ice-skate during the winterdays. Image: Supplied
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On bank-holidays you won’t be alone. Image: Supplied
Plenty of selfie-opportunities and (oh so good) cheesy shots. Image: Supplied
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Visit the nice website of Kinderdijk right here, and get your tickets for all of it right here.
Already went on the Waterbus and gazed at our windmills? Feel free to share your thoughts and pics with us! Got questions or comments? Leave them below!
You know when the biggest Dutch paper the Telegraaf opens up with a full cover page in red and black and bold letters screaming ‘THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SEE THESE NUMBERS ON CRIMINAL MIGRANTS IN THE NETHERLANDS’ that a debate, and maybe even a little bit of controversy, is going to ensue.
Is our picturesque Holland being overrun by hordes of vicious foreign criminals? Is our government in a conspiracy with the ‘asylum-industry’ to cover up these criminals? Is the sentence before this one extremely ridiculous?
Let’s have a humble (and possibly cynical) look at what the hell is going on with criminal migrants in the Netherlands and this whole debate.
#1 Criminal migrants in the Netherlands – they’re here
It would be easy to dispel the Telegraaf headlines and just carry on, especially when you’re living in a nice and decent Randstand bubble (hi there Utrecht, Amsterdam, Leiden and Haarlem!), and your only encounters with asylum seekers were at some hip food festival with that Syrian food truck. No, criminal migrants in the Netherlands are here and it sucks hard, especially for the decent people living next to these centers, must feel so shitty and feel like you’re abandoned by your own government – no cynicism in that one.
Some facts: nearly 10.000 asylum status holders were suspect of an offense in the first 9 months of 2016 (out of a group of 60.000 people). More than a 100 of them are facing a punishment of 6 years or more. And there are 183 ‘habitual offenders‘ on the list.
It’s also a nationality question, as it seems that the vast majority of these offenders are from safe countries: Albania, Georgia, Morocco and Algeria top this list.
This highlights the problem that all migrants are often grouped together when being criminalized. So there exists a group of criminals exploiting their migrant status and innocent migrants being criminalized. I get the feeling that the opposing sides are defending/attacking the wrong groups. On one side, there are the ultra paranoid foreign-phobic right wingers, and on the other side the free spirit tree hugging freedom for every soul hippies. Sensationalism all around! So what about the moderate cynics in this country?
#2 This news isn’t going away, and it’s not going to be balanced
Both 2015 and 2016 were filled with this kind of news, and I have a gut feeling that 2017 and 2018 aren’t going to be much different. And no, with this kind of news I don’t mean a nice accumulation of criminal stats, but screaming cover pages like the Telegraaf’s today and the incredibly cringe-worthy texts as ‘YOUR GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS’ – I mean really? Do you fall for that kind of stuff?
As for the ‘other side’ – you know the hippies of world peace of the Green Left and such aren’t that much better. These criminal migrants in the Netherlands are a real problem that needs attention and handling. Simply denying that this problem exists won’t make it go away (I’m looking at you Jesse runaway Klaver). So what is there to do about it?
3. Why aren’t these people expelled faster?
So you might think: “Arrest these criminal migrants in the Netherlands and deport them the day after. Problem solved!” But it doesn’t work like that in a constitutional state. Cases need to be made up, a trial has to be completed, a sentence has to be handed out, etc. – this all takes time and we really appreciate it all because not having fair trials and such sucks. However, you can feel the frustration with a cop in Drenthe when he catches a gang of Algerian asylum seekers red handed when thieving in the local grocery store.
So in order not to hinder expelling them a lot of times, charges against these criminals aren’t even filed. You can imagine the frustration of the victims. (Interestingly, we’re already putting refugees in jail)
There are also gangs of criminals, from safe countries, just roaming throughout Europe just bent on committing crimes and leaving again for another country when things get hot. They’re using the asylum centers as their ‘hub of operations’ and the understaffed police of these parts of our country have no idea what to do. (blendle link to that article here).
And finally, when all is said and done countries like Morocco and Algeria usually aren’t so keen to taking back these people. It makes extraditing them kind of difficult since polite countries like the Netherlands or Sweden just don’t stuff boats full of criminal migrants and send them back across the sea.
The only answer I see right now is more cooperation in the international arena and specifically with the EU to coordinate and apply real pressure to these countries that are not willing to take back their criminal migrants.
4. This is a complicated debate with many nuances
All of this sucks. And not only because it just sucks having (foreign) criminal migrants in the Netherlands, but also because it screws up a proper polite debate. And even more important, it also erodes public support for decently sheltering refugees – something which is non-negotiable for me personally.
But as you can see the debate and issues are complex and intertwined, something that isn’t helped by headliners screaming that ‘THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SEE THIS’ or by parties who just don’t want to discuss this issue. This is a real issue and desperately needs to be talked about more often.
Anyways, what do you think of all this? Feel free to pitch in, but please people – keep it clean and civil.
Because who doesn’t need cheap Dutch train tickets?
A few days back we ran an article on stuff you wished you knew before you came to the Netherlands, quite a few people responded that they just wished they knew that the NS (our national trains) had a discount card for 40% off for a measly 29 euro per year (here’s the link, in English, thank me in the comments). So we thought it might be nice to round up some offers for even better deals for your Dutch train experience. Because if you don’t like a good discount, then what the hell are you doing in Holland?
From the 26th of June untill the 9th of July your fav blue Dutch supermarket Albert Heijn is selling traintickets on the cheap! It’s 15 euro for a whole day of trainfun untill the 3rd of September, it also gets you a free cup of coffee at an AH to GO. Oh, but you can only use it during the ‘daluren’ (so not in the peakhours) and that’s the weekend and all times except on weekdays in between 6:30 – 8:55 en 16:00 – 18:25.
The ticket is sold as a disposable card (so no personal chipcard needed) and you can only buy it a physical store (no online, how vintage).
Vakantieveilingen – 20,50 euro – two trips
The Dutch auction site of ‘Vakantieveilingen’ has 2 single tickets to anywhere on sale for the price of 20,50. This way you can go somewhere for a few days and then go back, or go somewhere on a single trip with the two of you. Valid until the 30th of September, more info and the sale itself to be found here.
But be warned, there’s a lot of administrative hoops you have to jump through – so either make sure you know Dutch a bit or ask your Dutch roommate/coworker/man-in-the-street.
Dayticket and free pie at a ‘La Place’ – 19 euro
The NS themselves are selling daytickets (not during peakhours, again) for 19 euro’s, this also get’s you a slice of pie and a glass of orange juice at a local La Place (those ‘restaurants’ that used to be located in the V&D’s). On sale untill the 30 of June and valid untill the 31st of July – so better hurry!
That’s it for now, feel free to tip us with some other deals and tricks on cheap dutch train tickets!
You can literally spot them a mile away because they’re usually extremely loud and freaking tall: Dutch people on vacation! But what really makes a Dutchie Dutch when holidaying abroad? Join me on a trip to a world full of stereotypes, Heineken drinking, and horrible GGGGGG sounds in this ultimate guide to recognizing to (or being) Dutch people on vacation.
* If you’re not into stereotypes, generalizations, and cheap shots then this might not be your article buddy
#1 Talking in loud Dutch about everything and anyone
The Dutch are not the masters of foreign languages that we are often made out to be (more on this in entry #5). When abroad, our philosophy is basically that the Dutch language is a superior language, and if for some reason people do not understand our guttural grunts, the solution is simply TO SPEAK. SLOWLY. AND. LOUDLY!
But even among themselves, the Dutch are notorious for having conversations loud enough to drown out the sound of a Boeing 747 at take-off. Though the Dutchies may think they are the center of attention for having just so much fun, they are in fact the center of attention because everything around them has been reduced to a burning pile of rubble by the sheer force of their decibels.
For those who have mastered the Dark Tongue of Baguette, here’s an excellent guide to this Dutch stereotype.
#2 Being tall as a basketball player (but without style)
What being sunburnt and drunk is to the British folk on vacation is being loud and tall as a basketball player for the Dutch folk. They’ve got some sunburns also, they’ve got the classic hideous three-quarter shorts on and both the male and female Dutchie are large and tall.
Ugly socks and sandals are optional, and having the ugly as hell checkered variant is very popular with the Dutch men. There is an upside to all of this, if you’re with Dutch people on vacation then it’s real easy to scout them out of all the other tourists.
#3 Complaining about Russians (and Germans) at the buffet
If there’s one thing Dutch people on vacation like it’s gratis and/or cheese. Put these two together in the form of a hotel-buffet and you’ve got a winning combination. So when the Dutchies flocked to a random Turkish beachtown (before it became the worlds most cynical dictatorship) all was good because nobody could touch them. The British were to busy queuing up and the Germans too apologetic. And then those Russians showed up!
Not only didn’t they give a flying **** about courtesy, they were also just hogging all the cheese – skipping the line and just guilty of having this Russian look. And let’s face it fellow Dutchies, we can’t stand these ‘new’ tourists the last 20 years. We all long back when we could just hate those Lothar Matthaeus look-a-likes to our East.
#4 Dutch people on vacation: Preaching the Holland-gospel to the natives
Hand to god, somewhere right now there is a Dutch guy in a random African country telling them all about the virtues of the proportional representation system instead of whatever backwards concoction they’ve got over there. Day and night the Dutch back in the Netherlands themselves are complaining about the government and the country that ‘dit is mijn Nederland niet meer’, but once abroad a decent Dutchman will get on the highest horse in town and start preaching about the extreme smartness of our pension systems and coffee shops.
And it’s not like they’ve just been waiting 7 hours in an Italian mail office or having a run with a Turkish police officer. No, anything can make the Dutchies start shooting off their mouth about perfect Holland – only to immediately have them start cussing again when they land at Schiphol and see the grey, rainy polderland that is their home.
What Dutch people on vacation really missed
#5 Talking about Cruijf, Gullit, Van Basten en neuken in de keuken
Forget about Frans Timmermans the hyperglot: when Dutchies are abroad, their English skills are somewhere between a New York taxi driver and a Tibetan monk who hasn’t left his solitary meditation cell for the last fifty years. Thus, in order to convey our Dutchness when forced to have small-talk with locals, we tend to yell names of famous football players, hoping that this will let them know just who they’re dealing with. “¡Sí, Holanda! ¡Johan Cruijff!” is what counts as a real conversation to a Dutch person.
But what we lack in language skills, we more than make up with rudeness (or else we call it: hufterigheid). That’s why we’re always ready to expand the vocabulary of others with colorful phrases such as neuken in de keuken.
EDITOR’S NOTE: only use Google Translate on that last phrase at your own risk.
#6 Pindakaas and Hagelslag. Our horse and shield abroad.
If there is anything that should never cease to amaze a sane person about the Dutch, it is their ability to leave their country and then travel halfway around the globe only to complain about how everything there is not like their home country. To the Dutch mind, any culture that has not mastered the art of putting chocolate sprinkles on their bread is one that might as well be on the same level as Neanderthals. So for loads of Dutch people on vacation packing your own weird bread toppings is an absolute must for a proper vacation.
#dutcheatinggoals – Also has to be real Calve Pindakaas
That’s it for now! There might be a part 2 on Dutch people on vacation where we can properly talk about having dinner in Italy at 5.30 in the frickin afternoon, complaining about the toilets or putting your towels out there by the pool in the early morning in order to deny other nationalities a place there.
