How many times is it reasonable to say “happy birthday” at one birthday party? The Dutch seem to think the sky is the limit!
Why limit yourself to wishing only one person happy birthday, when you can congratulate everyone on the joyous occasion? 🎉
Dutch people love to feliciteren (congratulate) as many people as humanly possible, which can create some confusion if you’re not 100% sure who the jaarige (birthday kid) is.
What is it?
It is no secret that the Dutch take their birthdays very seriously, and as an international, it can be daunting to navigate the sea of traditions.
First, remember that you have to (in non-pandemic times) shake the hand of whoever you’re wishing happy birthday.
Then comes one of the most absurd Dutch birthday traditions: you wish the birthday kid happy birthday when you arrive at the party — oh, and basically everyone else they’re close to as well. ❤
But watch out — it can get complicated!
You can either play it safe and stick to the simple, traditional “Gefeliciteerd” (congratulations), and leave it at that (maybe adding “met [insert name of the birthday kid]” to make it more personal).
But, if you really want to blend in as the true Dutchie you’re trying so hard to become — say “Gefeliciteerd met je [insert the title the birthday kid holds in relation to the person you are speaking to]”!
Yes, it’s confusing, but here’s an example to better illustrate the situation:
Mother of birthday kid says to you: “Gefeliciteerd met Sophia!” (“Congrats with Sophia!”)
You say, to the mother of Sophia (the birthday kid): “Gefeliciteerd met je dochter” (“Congrats with your daughter!”)
It goes without saying that you have to make sure you really know who the actual birthday kid is. If you don’t, get a detailed description of what they look like in advance so you can identify who you should be saying what to.
Another thing that can complicate matters a bit is when you’re talking to someone who has a weird, multi-linked relationship to the birthday kid.
For example, you might find yourself in a situation where you have to congratulate someone on their ex-husband’s-new-fienceé’s-friend’s-daughter-in-law’s-dog’s birthday.
It gets confusing but don’t worry! Just make sure you’re aware of all the different titles and relationships going on around you, make sure you don’t offend anyone, and you’ll do great.
Why do they do it?
After many attempts at getting a reason out of my Dutch friends, I had to give up. It seems like no one knows why the Dutch insist on this weird tradition!
Is it because the infamous Dutch birthday circle (when Dutch people sit around in an awkward circle instead of moving around at a birthday party) requires you to know everyone’s position, status, life situation, and relationships, in order to survive the hour-long conversation? 😴
Do the Dutch just love knowing as many personal details about each other as they can, so knowing your relation to the birthday kid is a must-have?
Or maybe it’s just the Dutch love for order and clarity that comes to light yet again — who knows?
Why is it quirky?
Congratulating everyone in sight on the jarige’s birthday is definitely not common practice around the world.
In most cultures, we might give the birthday celebrant a quick squeeze before handing over a present. This is then followed by simply stepping back and hoping you know enough people.
The Dutch say nee to this more introverted routine. You’re going to make eye contact, shake hands, and get to know some new people.
And you know what? It’s kind of cute!
Should you join in?
Definitely join in, if you want to blend in with the Dutchies and avoid standing out as the only international, again.
It’s considered polite, and you’re just better off conforming to the tradition — unless the fear of accidentally calling someone the wrong title, or misunderstanding who the jarige is, scares you too much. 😉
What do you think of this Dutch quirk? Have you experienced it? Tell us in the comments below!