All the World loves a giver, right? Wrong! If anything is to be a paradigm for understanding human behavior, let it be the following fact: these hairless monkeys are willing to turn down free, no strings attached money that could save another hairless monkey’s life simply because of a conflict of morals.
Going from either the title of this column or your clairvoyance, you might already know what this blog is going to be about: Save the Boobs! Pornhub, one of the most popular dispensers of on-line pornography (or iRotics, if you’re a filthy hipster), leading cause of tissue sales worldwide and the reason why half you reading this are probably immortal, is donating money to breast cancer research. Huzzah! And how can we help? Simply watch any clip from the categories ‘small tits’ or ‘big tits’ over the course of October and Pornhub will donate one cent for every thirty hits. As of this day (October 10th), the counter passed the 24 million mark, meaning that at this rate, they will end up giving away approximately $ 24,000 to save boobs, which as we all know is humanity’s second most important asset next to breathable air.
So you help to fight a god-awful disease by watching porn! What could possibly be more awesome than this? Well, according to Komen for the Cure, it would be refusing this money because someone doesn’t like it when people expose their tender parts to the camera. Based on personal preferences about sexuality, Komen courageously delays a possible cure for a disease that kills close to half a million people every year.
To show what cosmopolitans these moralfags really are, here’s similar case in point from my own experience. Earlier this year, a charity group from my fraternity thought it would be awesome to help out our fellow, disease-stricken man, cashing in on the second strongest incentive for students after sex: alcohol. For convenience’s sake, it is custom for members of our fraternity to pay for their drinks with a paper card that can be purchased at the bar, so the charity group gave everyone the choice to buy a regular one, or one with an additional € 0,50 cost which would be donated to a hospital that specializes in cancer treatment. Surprisingly, the hospital at the receiving end of this free money declined, stating that they considered the link between drinking (never mind the fact that this card pays for any kind of drink, with or without alcohol) and raising money for cancer patients inappropriate (link only available in Dutch).
I guess I could go around being the anti-moralfag and give a long-winded speech about how these stuck-up people are willing to sacrifice others for their personal values, but then again, that would take away precious wanking time. The time to Save the Boobs is now, so do like the song says: grab your dick and double-click for porn, porn, PORN!