Solutions for the economic crisis: more cyberwarfare schools!

The Dutch economy isn’t in the best shape ever nowadays: the unemployment numbers are back at the 1980’s levels and nobody will buy or sell a house these days. Granted, we’re no Greece or Spain, but we’re definitely doing worse than Germany, our friendly neighbor to the east which economy we like to emulate. On top of that ING, one of the biggest Dutch banks, found itself under heavy cyber-attacks the last couple of days. It’s clear something needs to be done to protect the Dutch interests.

At this moment some Dutch politicians think that we can polder our way out of this crisis again like in the 1980’s. But that’s not gonna get the job done. What we need is something more aggressive and innovating, with a little bit of the VOC-mentality put into it.

But with less slavery, unemployment is already too high as it is.
But with less slavery, unemployment is already too high as it is.

No ladies and gentlemen, what we need is more cyberwarfareninja’s, more nerds in the trenches, geeks on the ground! Look at all this international mayhem going on: Israel and Iran digging it out, China is stealing corporate secrets from the US on the go, and shit, Korea and Pakistan beat us already to opening the first cyberwarfareschool. I mean Pakistan, really?!
If you saw Skyfall you should know already that tweaking and hacking powers can be more powerful than Her Majesties finest secret service man.


Common Dutch politicians! Here’s your chance to follow Obama’s policies and make some money.

Of course we first need to get rid of that half-assed decent appearance the Dutch companies and government is trying to show out there. But then, think of all the possibilities! We can mess with international oil bids and get Shell more contracts, finally get some payback for all those times Geert Wilders and his sympathetic ideas got hacked, plunder the bank accounts of Greece’s rich, lease out our cyber mercenaries and be the leading power in cyber warfare as a whole.

Since it’s 2013 and the topic is cyberwarfare, we’re not gonna have an old-school school. We need secretive online platforms and masked cults-gatherings where they can set out strategy and rig the Eurovision songfestival. You think it’s hard to recruit IT-specialists for the government? Give these nerds titles like ‘special combat operative’ and ‘cyberninja department manager’: they will sign up.

Act now Dutch politicians and support our cyber troops damnit! Before you know it some country like Bangladesh will steal our Dike-secrets technology and get filthy rich off of it. Hurry!

It's future
It’s the future (Source:  The Future of Security – from The Economist KAL’s Cartoon)

Abuzer van Leeuwen 🇳🇱
Founded DutchReview. Rotterdammer living in Leiden. Politics, innovation and epic food-reviews are his thing. Interested in doing anything with DutchReview? Contact him at abuzer[at]


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