Picture this: you’re strolling down a beautiful Dutch street when someone with zero spatial awareness bumps into you. Congratulations! You’ve found yourself an international!
Here’s how to spot them with laser-like precision:
1. They tend to stand out with their fashion choices
The first clue as to whether someone is an international is that their backpacks look like they’re preparing for an apocalypse.
These bags could fit an entire wardrobe, a first aid kit, and possibly a five-person tent. 🎒
READ MORE | How to survive the Dutch winter: weather, clothing and more
Completing the look is the quintessential oversized puffer jacket, leaving only the eyes visible, and a pair of hiking boots. Because, of course, you never know when you’ll encounter a mountain in the Netherlands.
2. They avoid the top bike rack like the plague
If you spot someone staring at the top bike rack like a mountain they have to hike, they’re definitely an international.
While the Dutch have gracefully mastered this art, the rest of us have yet to figure out how to simply ride a bike, let alone park it 5 feet up in the air. 🚲
3. They’ll enter through anything but the correct tram doors
In Amsterdam specifically, you’ll know someone’s an international if they are confidently trying to squeeze through the wrong tram doors.
For those unaware (and let’s face it, that’s quite a few of you), Amsterdam’s trams have designated entry and exit doors marked with stickers.
READ MORE | What your favourite Dutch mode of transport says about you
People often try to force open the incorrect doors, only to get yelled at by the grumpy tram conductor over the loudspeakers for everyone to hear.
In their defence, the stickers on the doors are pretty much microscopic. 🤓
4. They use Google Maps in the most uncool manner
Another surefire way to spot an international is if you see someone struggling to navigate the streets.
Internationals clutch at their phones, trying to figure out which identical-looking street they’re meant to take to reach the ollibollen stand. 🗺
They’ll stop in their tracks, staring at their phone, oblivious to the fact that they’ve nearly been hit by a speedy bike — three times.
Spoiler alert: They don’t find it despite risking their life in the process.
5. They have no sixth sense for bikes
Building on that last point, whether they’re glued to their phones or not, internationals stroll onto bike paths without a care in the world, blissfully unaware of the impending near-death experience.
See someone casually strolling on a bike lane without a hint of fear on their face? Odds are, you’ve just spotted an international. 😬
*Cue the sound of cyclists ringing their bells like an emergency war alarm*
6. They actually sit outside the cafes in Leidseplein
Locals know better than to visit Amsterdam’s Leidseplein unless dragged.
They’re smart to avoid the crowds, overpriced drinks and American accents.
Who would want to pay €10 for a little biertje? Internationals… that’s who.
7. They will always, inevitably, without a doubt, be defeated by the rain
Most Dutch people treat rain like it’s an inconvenience. Internationals? They’ll have a full-on breakdown.
They frantically look through their bags, desperately pulling out every waterproof accessory they own, looking completely dishevelled.
Meanwhile, the Dutch will gracefully flip up the snug hood of their sweater, effortlessly protecting their perfectly smooth, frizz-free hair that seems immune to rain.
8. They bike with an unnecessary amount of caution
If you see someone cycling like life is a cautious dress rehearsal — slow, wary and with a helmet — you can bet they’re an international.
READ MORE | 7 things that will get you fined while cycling in the Netherlands
Meanwhile, Dutchies bike hands-free while balancing a toddler, groceries and a tiny house. 🚲
9. They aren’t too aware of Dutch beer culture
How a person behaves at a bar is also a dead giveaway of whether they’re an international.
READ MORE | 19 super annoying things internationals do in the Netherlands
Internationals will order pints instead of a sequence of tiny-sized beers to decorate the table, and can you blame us? 🍻
10. They lack a natural instinct to navigate crowds
Internationals have yet to learn how to tactfully manoeuvre crowds, often walking at a snail’s pace. 🐌
We understand the need to take your time to familiarize yourself with the streets, but we would all benefit from a faster pace in the narrow Dutch streets. 😅
11. They shudder at the thought of drop (liquorice)
Hand an international some drop and watch the disgust wash across their face.
Dutchies are somehow able to munch on this snack as if their taste buds are made of steel. The rest of us? We’ll pass.
12. They love to wave at boats passing by
Spot someone waving at passing boats? That’s definitely some international energy.
This habit isn’t limited to boats, it extends to the streets too.
Internationals are quite friendly to strangers — and honestly, it’s kinda cute!
13. They’re pretty obnoxious in silent train compartments
If you can’t spot an international, you may still be able to hear them — specifically in the silent compartments of trains.
READ MORE | 19 places you can get to by TRAIN from the Netherlands
While they may blissfully chat away in the silent train compartments, these are practically sacred ground for the Dutch, and they take their role as silence enforcers very seriously — especially when it comes to internationals.
While the internationals do the talking, the Dutchies do the shushing. 🤫
14. They actually… smile at you on the street
If someone flashes a smile at you as they walk past, guess what? They’re not Dutch.
Dutch people haven’t gotten the memo about smiling at passersby like the rest of us. 😬
15. They write for some silly online publication
Want to know the ultimate giveaway that someone’s an international? They work at DutchReview. 😉
Sure, they’re easy to spot now. But once these internationals survive their first winter and develop a taste for haring, they’ll slowly evolve into Dutchies, blending more seamlessly into Dutch society.
Do you agree with this list? What else would you add to it? Tell us in the comments below.
Nice, all true but I won’t know about writing for an online publication.
Hilarious and absolutely accurate!
You could add the bit about internationals jumping lines in stores with big smiles and apologies–the way we do in NY–and the Dutchies freaking out about it. I always let people with fewer items ahead of me in a line of a grocery store and then I get thanked up and down. (So unnecessary!) But woe if I ask a question of a salesperson before it is officially my turn, even if it’s a short question the answer to which might save me half an hour of waiting in vain.
I always avoid the top bike rack not just because it’s difficult to put my bike there, but also because I always find these top bike racks on train stations, and I’m just afraid to miss my train, beings busy with parking 🙂