Moving and living in a new country isn’t without its challenges, but perhaps the hardest challenge is leaving behind the life you created for yourself back “home.” Becoming an expat in the Netherlands is no less challenging.

Despite living in the Netherlands for almost five years and not having lived in my hometown full-time since 2010, Plymouth will always be “home” for me.

It’s where I was born, where I learned to ride a bike (not well, obviously, and no one taught me how to simultaneously ride a bike whilst chatting on the phone after a few wines), where I bought my first house, and where almost all of my family lives.

And I am not alone. It’s estimated that 16.8% of the Netherlands’ population has a non-Dutch background.

So, what have I learned since becoming an expat in the Netherlands, and what advice would I give to myself five years ago?

1. Life goes on

Without fail, I visit my place of birth every Christmas, summer, and most school holidays in between, yet it surprises me every time something changes.

A new restaurant has opened, the lanes on the roundabout have been switched, and that favourite nightclub has changed its name again, etc.

It’s almost as if I expect the city to stay exactly as it was when I left.

The same goes for people; just because their best friend, sister, or school friend has moved away to another country doesn’t mean that there aren’t big changes happening in their lives.

READ MORE | Are you homesick in the Netherlands? Here’s what you can do about it

Life goes on. No one hits the pause button when you move away. People meet new friends, lovers, have children, and get married. And you might end up missing it all.

Social media may get a lot of bad press, but for expats, it can be that link to friends and family.

Being able to witness (through a screen) all the greatest moments of your friends’ and family members’ lives can make you feel less alone, though beware of the curse of FOMO!

2. You will lose friends

Of course, this isn’t true for every friendship — if you put in the effort, those who genuinely want to be a part of your life will remain so.

Even so, it’s still challenging at times. You may have families to raise, 40-hour workweeks to contend with, and elderly parents to care for.

READ MORE | Making Dutch friends as an international: our 21 best tips

An old saying says you will have friends for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. And when you become an expat in a foreign country, that reason to remain in contact isn’t there anymore for some friends.

But friendships have been proven to be good for your health, so it’s definitely worth the effort. I couldn’t imagine my life without all the amazing friends I’ve made, both in the Netherlands and in the UK.

3. Friends here become your family

If you just became an expat in the Netherlands and don’t have a ready-made support network, then the people you meet will become your village.

Friends are the ones who go on your child’s “in case of emergency” school contact form.

They pick you up from the garage when your car needs its APK. They are the ones you ring to babysit your other children when one is rushed to the hospital.

The Dutch sometimes have a stereotype of being unapproachable and abrupt, but don’t mistake that for “unhelpfulness.”

However, when you need them, they will be there. (Normally bearing bottles of wine! 🍷)

4. You finally understand Dutch directness

The Dutch are well known for being direct, in fact, a little too direct (but geen probleem, you just need to know how to respond).

And for those of us Brits who have been raised not to always say what we mean, out of fear of offending someone, it can be quite a culture shock.

When my husband first moved to the UK, his directness was often misinterpreted as arrogance, but he was being honest.

Though perhaps, we Brits could learn a little from this Dutch character trait! Think of how quickly we’d have moved along with Brexit if Theresa had told Donald Trump what she thought of him!

READ MORE | We asked readers about their experiences with the infamous Dutch directness

However, there is a fine line between being honest and being unkind. Most Dutch people toe the line quite nicely, and it is we sensitive, polite expats who get too easily offended.

And not tiptoeing around a subject means there are no disillusions or misunderstandings; everyone knows where they stand with the Dutch!

5. Circle parties are the bane of your existence

Okay, so a slight exaggeration, but does anyone enjoy them?! An explanation might be in order if you are uninitiated to circle parties.

Unlike birthday parties in other cultures, where the host and guests mingle around to talk to one another, Dutch circle parties involve sitting in a giant circle and conversing with the people on either side of you.

You greet the host (three kisses, of course) and then go and find the birthday boy/girl to congratulate them. Then you need to congratulate their spouse, then their children, then their parents, brothers, and sisters, and finally any friends.

And then out comes the taart (pie), which you eat with tea or coffee.

READ MORE | 9 Dutch birthday traditions that’ll confuse the heck out of internationals

Small talk continues with an aunty you’ve not seen since the last circle party until the sausage, cheese and crisps are brought out, along with something fris (fresh) to drink.

And when that clock strikes 7 PM, you are outta there like a shot, with the relief that you won’t have to suffer through another one until the next birthday.

6. Learning a new language is hard

I never thought I would ever have to learn another language again when I finished GCSE French.

Despite being fairly bright, languages were just never my thing.

And then I fell in love with a Dutchie, and we moved to the Netherlands, and I HAD to learn a new language. Dutch — bloody Dutch, with its guttural G’s and rolling R’s, and verbs at the end of the sentence.

But perseverance, a language course three times a week, and daily viewing of Jeugdjournaal won, though.

Now, when my friends fill me in on the latest gossip, I don’t have to sit like a mute in the corner: I can actually join in!

READ MORE | How to learn Dutch: the ultimate guide (by people who learned!)

And what a joy it is to be able to communicate with people in Nederlands and not have them immediately revert to English when they detect an accent.

That being said, it is a lot harder than I’d imagined, and even though I can’t ever imagine feeling that I’m 100% fluent, Ik doe mijn best (I do my best).

7. Becoming an expat in the Netherlands may not be the life you’d planned

And you know what, that’s not a bad thing. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that living an unplanned life is the best one. Like an animal in the wild learning to adapt to its new surroundings, you’ve proved just how resilient you are.

READ MORE | This expat’s TikToks about weird Dutch habits went viral (because they’re relatable AF!)

Give yourself a huge pat on the back for making this leap, moving to the Netherlands, learning a new language, and immersing yourself in a whole new culture.

Not many people could do it — some people may have thought you’d fail and be back within three months.

But even with the Dutch directness and hell that are circle parties, life in the Netherlands is pretty good.

Becoming an expat in the Netherlands wasn’t such a bad choice after all.

While you will always have a little piece of you back in your place of birth, home is really where the heart is. And my heart is in the Netherlands.

What are some of the challenges you faced when you decided to become an expat in the Netherlands? Let us know in the comments!